“I’d never let that happen again.” I lift my eyes to her so hopefully she can see how serious I am about never allowing another blade to touch Payson’s skin.
“I know.” She lays a hand on mine. “But think about it, Ash. You were so against it and then . . . I can’t lose my best friend, Ash.”
I can handle Payson; I know I can. I can give her all the help she needs. Convince her of proper care instead of succumbing to what she thinks she needs. I had a moment of weakness before, it caused a big lapse in judgement, but I would never let it happen again.
But what if I did?
Staring into the tearful blue eyes of maybe the only other person on earth that loves Payson as much as I do, I know she’s right. My love for Payson outweighs everything, including my morals.
“No one wants to see Payson get better more than us. If I really thought she didn’t need something like this, you know I would have never brought it up, but I really think it will be the best thing for her.”
It may be, but what if it’s not.
And what if it destroys us? Payson doesn’t do well with space. Her abandonment trauma will come roaring back until it swallows her whole.
“Just think about it,” she adds before settling into her seat and pulling out her phone. She mentions something about reading on it, but I don’t know how you read on a phone. Either way, with her distracted, it gives me time to think. Which you’d think I would have had a lot of time to do just that with my girlfriend in a coma, but it seems the opposite. Since Payson has been here, my life has been even more chaotic.
Almost as if the universe doesn’t want us apart.
I am dropping my head to the back of the couch when I hear the bus outside. Thankfully, I was able to get Parker signed up for the bus so late into the year. It saves him from being stuck at school if I’m running late from the hospital and Luca from having to be here at a specific time.
I wait, patiently, for the familiar creak, then I stand and plod toward the front room to meet him.
“How was school?”
He jumps as he slips from his shoes and tosses his bag to the side.
“I didn’t think you would be home yet.”
His cool tone doesn’t anger me, it only saddens me and makes me realize Janelle was right, and I have been ignoring Parker and his needs for far too long.
“Janelle is staying the evening with Payson. I thought we could head to the gym together.”
His hazel eyes narrow, but eventually he shrugs, and I let out a small, relieved breath that he’s not interrogating me.
“Go get changed. I will wait for you here.”
His footfalls are a little more perky as he bounds up the steps toward his room. I grab the gym bag I packed for us and throw it over my shoulder. It’s basketball and wrestling season at Bayshore, so we won’t be heading to the school but to the gym Luca uses when he wants to workout outside the house. It’s a little outside town, but he says it’s really nice and has a full-length indoor football-soccer field for Parker to practice.
I know he’s been itching to get on a field, and while there is nothing like an outside field, an indoor field is better than nothing.
“I thought you went with Mum to pick up Dad.”
Henry stops in the kitchen doorway, an apple raised to his mouth, and scowls. “No, Luca wanted to go, not me.”
Luca wanted to go pick up my dad? I shake my head; it probably has more to do with Luca getting antsy. He doesn’t often stay in one place for too long. I know he’s been thinking about visiting Italy this summer. I think that will be good for him, but I worry if things don’t improve with Parker, he will ask to go back and stay there. I could force him to stay with me. I am his father and have the rights, but I’d never do that to my son. I want him to want to live with me, not be forced to.
Parker hits the steps and spots Henry next to me.
“Are you coming to the gym, Zio Henry?”
Henry waits for me to answer before he does. With both of them looking at me like a lost puppy, I roll my eyes and sigh. “Hurry up, we haven’t got all night.”
Things haven’t been the best between us since the hospital after Paul’s funeral. We’ve mostly been able to avoid each other, since I’m at the hospital so often, but I can’t hold a grudge forever. While I still need to talk to him about flirting with Payson’s friends, it would be nice to spend the night with my son and brother—just fucking around and not thinking about anything serious.
5
Ash