Page 95 of Heal For Me

Ash wraps his arm around my body and tugs me across the bench so I’m pressed to his side. “We can sit here all day without leaving the truck. As long as you need, babygirl. It’s your day, and I’m here for you and if you want to go out for lunch instead, we can do that as well.”

Tears pour from my eyes, down my cheeks and onto my lap when I look down at the second envelope in my hand.

The sun peaks through Ash windshield, highlighting the stark white envelope. I see you Grandpa, I see you.

Ray-Ray

Happy Birthday, my sweet granddaughter. Eighteen! I can’t believe it. It seems like just yesterday I held you in my arms for the first time. You were so small back then. Now you are a beautiful woman. I’m not there to see you, but I hope you can feel my love all around.

A lot of things change now that you are eighteen. I hope one of those things is your capability to love.

Sometimes those we fall in love with don’t fit the mold of the world. Don’t be ashamed of it. Love is beautiful, and the best love is unexpected. God’s greatest gift is the gift of love.

So, break the mold, sweetheart. Love who you love and be happy.

I believe Ashley will care for you the way you should be cared for. He will love, and cherish you, because I warned him what happens if he doesn’t. (Hell. I’m kidding of course, but what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him. A little fear might do him good.)

I look up and meet the watery eyes of Ash and we smile.

“Your grandad was a smart man.”

I drop my head on his chest to continue reading the last small bit.

Enjoy your day today a little more than every other day. And remember, look for me in the sun, because I’m there.

I love you. Eat a piece of cake for me.

Ash shifts, leans over me to the cooler at my feet that he packed up a picnic in. Or so I thought. He pulls out a cake that is identical to the cakes Grandpa would get me every year. My throat closes.

“The bakery remembered your grandad’s order. I hope it tastes the same.”

Big tears burst from my eyes; Ash is smart enough to set the cake on the dash before I crush it from climbing onto his lap. I bury my face in his chest and let out shaky breaths.

“I can’t believe you did all this for me.” Ash has gone above and beyond for me since he walked into my life. I keep waiting for the day he stops, but he hasn’t yet.

He squeezes me tightly. “You and me, babygirl. Remember? I would move mountains for you.”

I pull back, grab the side of his face. “I love you so much, Ashley Pearson. And I can’t wait to marry you.”

We officially set a date. Well, we always had a date, but it’s officially official now. Invites will go out after the season when Ash is officially not my coach. Uncle Jet had to pull some strings, basically get Ash fired from the school and hired as a private coach so he wouldn’t get in trouble for our relationship. The photos from our engagement started getting around a few weeks ago, given Ash is sorta famous and all, which I forget often. Thankfully, none of the news articles that got hold of the photos had my face in them and weren’t able to look me, or my age up.

Our timeline is dicey and sometimes I have panic attacks worrying about Ash getting in trouble and taken from me. He always promises that he’s not going anywhere, which helps, but knowing I have Uncle Jet and Ash’s family of lawyers on my side if anything did happen helps more.

Everything is mostly planned for a small wedding in his parents back yard next April, thanks to his mom, sister and Janelle. I’ve approved decisions but I know they enjoy this stuff more than me, so I am letting them have creative freedom. The one thing I get to pick is my dress. Which I get to go shopping for during Christmas break. Until Jet offered to fly me to London to shop, as if I would ever turn down that offer. I’m not a big shopper, but shopping in London is going to be so fun. Janelle and Abby are coming along as well and I can’t wait to see Abby again. We keep in contact via video calls and texts, she’s even joined a chat with me and Janelle and that chat is constantly blowing up; I often come back to over three hundred messages because those are chatty. Uncle Jet asked if I wanted to invite anyone else, I think he was hinting at Ronni, btu the answer was and still is no. I don’t know what ever happened to our relationship, but I am trying not to focus on the past. It hurts, and it hurts more that I thought we were better friends than what we are, but sometimes people come into your life that aren’t meant to be there forever, and that’s okay. I just never considered Ronni would be one of those people.

“Do you think he would be proud of me? Like really?”

“If I know anything, it’s that Paul was beyond proud of you, Payson.”

I was able to work up the courage and move from the truck to a blanket on my grandparents grave. I tilt my head up against his chest and he kisses my nose.

“I wish I could talk to him, both of them, honestly. I feel like it’s been so long.” It’s only been months since I lost my grandpa. The wound is still so fresh, but from that moment I watched him die, to sitting in my fiancées arms right now, it feels like it’s been years. I’m a much different person than I was back then. Do I have bad days? Of course, I think everyone does. Days when Uncle Jet, or Ash have to keep a closer eye on me than normal, yes. But healing isn’t a destination, it’s a journey. One that I will probably be on my entire life. Thankfully, I have Ash to walk by me during it all.

“I never told him I loved him.”

“He knew.”

Maybe, but that may be my biggest life regret.

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