Page 122 of The Holiday Heartbreaker

“That is reason to celebrate,” Elizabeth said. Which seemed funny, given what she had just been thinking about. That brief, wistful fantasy of having Brody’s baby.

The idea made her stomach clench tight.

“You have a son, right?” Evelyn asked.

“Yes. He’s with his dad for the holidays.”

“I hope you’ve been enjoying your time off.”

She couldn’t help it, her gaze drifted to Brody. “Yes. Definitely.”

“I’m sure they’re keeping you busy over here.”

Thankfully, Evelyn hadn’t seemed to pick up on what she was thinking.

“Yes. Definitely,” she repeated. She took a sip of the champagne. Brody was drinking a beer, talking and laughing with his brothers, and you would never know that he was the same man who had spilled all those dark thoughts on her, out in the sleigh.

A man who felt separate. Who felt alone. Who couldn’t trust his own feelings.

That made her ache. Because... She understood that. She had felt for a long time like she couldn’t trust her own feelings. Because she had picked wrong with Carter, because she had been wrong about love then, she couldn’t go and make any more claims for herself. That was ridiculous. She had grown and changed and seen more of the world. She knew more. She could trust herself. It was okay

She trusted that she really did love Brody McCloud. And it didn’t matter how long she’d known him, or how long she hadn’t. It didn’t matter whether it would last forever.

It was a beautiful thing to be able to love him. It felt right to realize that on New Year’s Eve. To know that no matter what, this was the right thing.

He deserved to be loved. And she deserved to let herself do it.

He wasn’t a resolution, or an easy dream.

He was a man. With all the complications that he came with. He wasn’t easy, and she...

Well, it was simple to think she never would’ve picked him. Except the thing was, she had never intended to pick anybody. Because she had been too scared to do something like that. She just wasn’t scared now.

Okay, maybe that was a lie. She knew a little bit of anxiety. It was difficult not to. But she wasn’t so much concerned about the outcome. Not now.

Not worried about making something that looked perfect.

Maybe... Maybe she could just love him. And maybe she didn’t need to worry about whether or not he would marry her or be a father to Benny. Maybe it would work to have him in her life in whatever way he could handle it.

And maybe it would grow. Or maybe it wouldn’t. She wouldn’t know for sure. Not unless she tried.

She took another sip of champagne.

“I moved here from New York,” Evelyn said, and when she did, Elizabeth took note of the other woman’s accent.

“That’s a big move,” Elizabeth said. “It felt like a big change coming from Portland.”

“I’ve never regretted it,” Evelyn said. “Sure, I’ve missed a few things. Cupcake ATMs and being able to go buy whatever I want at whatever hour I want it. That isn’t real life, you know? This... Here... I found somebody that I love. And that’s real life.”

Evelyn was right. This was real life. The beauty, the worry, the uncertainty. The loving. It was real life.

She loved Benny, but she couldn’t be with him all the time. Loving him meant being okay with this distance. Even though it hurt. Loving him meant that she had to let him have the best relationship with his father that he could have. She couldn’t force Carter to do things differently, she could just let him be the father that he was. The father he wanted to be.

And do her best to be there for Benny if he became disillusioned with that, if it hurt him... And maybe it wouldn’t. Maybe what Carter gave him would always feel like enough. Because he had so much support from Elizabeth at home.

And maybe loving Brody would have to be the same. Allowing him to have distance if he needed it. Because something in her knew... Well, if she told him this... He would think that she was making demands, and that would freak him out.

“I think I might be realizing the same thing,” she said. “The work here that Gus is doing on the ranch... I love being part of it. My son loves it here. He loves the school. And there’s Brody...”

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