Page 125 of The Holiday Heartbreaker

There might be a lot of things that he couldn’t do. He regretted every single one of them. But he could do this.

He could take this beautiful, untouchable creature and touch her everywhere. Could make her cry out her need.

Could make her forget. Everything but the moment.

And she loved him.

What a piss-poor offering this was. To a woman who loved him.

But it was what he had.

He kissed his way down her body, and feasted on that place between her legs. Until she was whimpering, arching up off the bed. Until he was confident that it would be this sensation burned into her whenever she thought of arousal. Whenever she thought of need.

That she would never forget him. No matter who came next.

Because there would be some man. Some man who had been raised in a perfect suburban home, who didn’t have all this disaster rolling around inside of him. And maybe he would even move her away. To a house with a white picket fence. And he would give her everything that she deserved. But he couldn’t give her this. Only Brody could give her this.

Because one thing he knew. No man would ever want her as much as he did.

When she was shaking, begging, he moved between her thighs and thrust inside her.

She gasped, arching against him, and he lost himself. He gave himself up to the wild abandon of his need, his rhythm uncontrolled as he surrendered to the beast roaring through him.

She cried out his name, he shouted hers, and he knew without a doubt that there would never be a moment that he moved past this. If he couldn’t get over his childhood to be with her, then he would never get over her.

He would never want to go out. Hooking up would never mean anything. It would never feel like anything. Not when he’d had this. Not when he’d had Christmas with Elizabeth.

No. Nothing would ever mean a damn thing after that.

He lay next to her, breathing hard. And he didn’t say a thing. But neither did she. She curled up against him, her hand on his chest, and just for a minute, he imagined this. Imagined it as forever. Imagined it as something possible.

Just for a minute. Because he could only hold on to it for that long. Because after that... After that, he slipped into the abyss of his own soul. And was reminded of everything he’d ever done wrong.

And was reminded that it was impossible.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

HE WAS GONE when she woke up in the morning, and she wasn’t really surprised.

All of his things were gone. The toothbrush, his clothes. He hadn’t told her that he didn’t love her.

He’d just looked away.

Because Brody was good at that. She already knew that. Brody was good at it, because this was what he did. He slept with people, and then he left them. Under the cover of darkness, no doubt. And for a minute, she just sat there, holding her sheet to her chest, giving in to the feeling that the mattress was sucking her down into the floor, deep into a chasm of despair.

She loved him. And he’d left her.

He’d damn well left her, just like everyone else, except at least Carter had explained to her why he was leaving. At least, there had been another woman. At least—

No. There was no one else for Brody. Nothing but his own demons, and some deep truth down in the center of who he was that he didn’t want to get into. That he didn’t want to acknowledge. She could chase after him. But she’d said her piece. She loved him. She hadn’t asked anything of him. And she had told herself that she would accept whatever he was ready to take.

So maybe he wasn’t ready to take any of it. Maybe he needed some time.

She was going to have to trust that her love was enough. And that in the end, Brody would come back to her, because he felt the same way. That very thought was terrifying, because it required a level of trust in her own self that she wasn’t sure she could find. In her own appeal, and her own importance.

Should, except one thing had been true about her and Brody from the beginning. They hadn’t been able to stay away from each other even though the whole situation was improbable. They hadn’t.

So it would have to be true now. It just would. She had no distractions. Not today.

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