Page 128 of The Holiday Heartbreaker

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why?”

“Just... Why me?”

“You have to stop making it all about you. I don’t know what answer you’re looking for, Brody. That you’re uniquely special or uniquely cursed, but you seem to want to be something.”

Gus shifted, lifting his coffee mug to his lips for a thoughtful moment before continuing. “Here’s what you are, an idiot who found a woman brave enough to love him. So what do you do with that? You’re the only one who can answer that question. You’re the only one who gets to decide what kind of happy you’re going to be. Is it Dad? Does he get to decide? I decided no. That asshole doesn’t get to have a thing to do with whether or not I’m happy. He scarred up my face... But he didn’t get to decide whether or not I was worthy of love. He doesn’t get to do that to you either. He doesn’t get to determine what love is. Not for you. You get to decide. Just like you get to decide what your life looks like. We didn’t get to control any of that.” And suddenly, Gus’s breath left in a gust. “And you know what...? You spent a long time trying to hold on to love. Just that little, broken kind that you got. That’s pretty brave. Why not make use of it? Be brave enough to be happy. Be brave enough to have a better kind of love.”

His brother’s words scraped his poor battered soul raw.

“And if I’m broken?”

“Fix your damn self.”

And he knew that he was staring down a crossroads. He’d done it before. And with all the shame inside of him, he had gone and met with his father, let him manipulate him, let him beg him for money. He’d given it to him. It had been a decision made with a whole lot of shame and a whole lot of fear. But he realized that deciding to make something with Elizabeth... That was the opposite.

And that was how you knew.

He realized that then. Plain as day. That was how you knew it was real.

“I have to go,” he said.

“Good. Get your ass out of here and go make a smart decision.”

“I will. I sure as hell will.”

He left his brother’s house, and he didn’t even bother to get in his truck. He ran. Ran to Elizabeth’s house.

He ran to his future.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

WHEN SHE HEARD the intense knock on the door, she knew it was him. Of course she did.

She went and answered it, even though she didn’t really want to.

“Brody...”

“I have something to say,” he said.

“I... Well... Say it, I guess.”

She didn’t know if she should be bracing herself for a blow. For a big letdown. For him to tell her exactly why it wasn’t going to work. Exactly why he didn’t love her. Or why he couldn’t love her. She didn’t want to hear it. She wanted to stop him. And yet. She felt like she owed him a chance to say his piece. And she felt... Brave enough.

Strong enough. To take whatever came her way. Whatever.

Happened.

“It’s taken me a while... Like thirty-four years... To sort through what the hell love is. And whether or not I wanted it. Or whether or not I hate it. Whether my dad loving me meant there was something wrong with me. And it all got so twisted in me, and I was afraid that if I tried with you... What I gave you was going to be wrong. That it was going to be some cracked, messed-up version of what you deserve. But I went to talk to Gus this morning. And I realized something. I realized that trying to get my dad to keep on loving me... It made me crazy. It made me anxious. It made me ashamed. And nothing with you ever makes me feel that way. That’s how I know it’s real. Because there’s no room for any of that when I think of you. When I think of how I feel for you. I don’t know how to be a husband, Lizzie. I don’t. I’m not a fancy guy with a fancy house... I never thought about being a father. And shit, you need a guy that’s going to be a good father figure. That’s even harder than being a biological dad, isn’t it? Because I’ve got to figure out how to be there, and not overstep. I’ve got to figure out how to strike a perfect balance when... I’ve never found balance in my life at all.”

Every word out of his mouth took her breath away. Every word healed the cracks inside her.

Made her hope.

Oh, how she hoped.

It hurt. But it was good.

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