Page 58 of The Holiday Heartbreaker

Loralee was still reserved. But, she had started getting better at choosing what she wanted for dinner.

And Elizabeth was happy for her there.

“I just wish I knew what I wanted the rest of my life to look like,” Loralee said.

“You don’t need to know what you want the rest of your life to look like. You’re in a phase. We all go through phases. Maybe this isn’t your favorite one, but it’s a new one, and better than the one that you were stuck in.”

“I guess so. Do you know what you want to do with the rest of your life?”

Elizabeth didn’t even know what she wanted to do with the rest of her afternoon. Was raw and unsettled, utterly and completely at sea when it came to what was happening with her and Brody.

But maybe that was the key. What she had just said to Loralee. Maybe she took things too seriously. She was always trying to see ahead. To make sure that the decisions that she made were good. That they were the best for her, the best for Benny. Maybe it was all right if she made the decisions that were just about how she felt in the moment.

Justification?

Maybe.

“I think sometimes what we need to realize is that it’s okay for us to be happy momentarily, even if we can’t guarantee that we’ll be able to hold on to it forever.” Elizabeth hadn’t realized that until the words came out of her mouth. That is what she was trying to do. Make sure that she never had anything good that she couldn’t be absolutely certain she could maintain.

It was why she hadn’t jumped into anything with a man—well, apart from the fact that she hadn’t met one that she wanted to do anything with until Brody. The idea of love, a relationship, felt too unstable.

She’d had it with Carter, and it hadn’t lasted. The happiness had been finite, and the idea of finite happiness made her stomach churn.

Because it reminded her way too much of being a foster child.

Finally landing in a good place. Finally getting something stable, and wonderful, and knowing that it would have an end date.

Even when she had gone to live with Denise, she had been three years away from being eighteen. And she had known that it was going to be transient.

Except, it had been for reasons she hadn’t counted on.

Denise had died.

That happiness had had an expiration date.

But maybe she had to accept that was life. Just life.

And it wasn’t necessarily a tragedy. It just was.

And maybe she needed to accept that there were certain things that were good for her no matter how long she had them. No matter how long they lasted.

“That’s a really wise thing to say,” Loralee said. “I think I take my happiness right now a little bit too seriously. Trying to do all the perfect things, trying to never get into a bad situation ever again...”

“Yeah I understand that all too well,” she said. “But we aren’t perfect. Just because we went through something difficult. We might have to go through other difficult things. It’s just that we should hopefully be somewhat more equipped to deal with them.”

“I hope so.”

So did she. Because this felt like a revelation, and she was desperately concerned that all it was was justification for what she really wanted to do.

“I hope that you come back,” she said to Loralee.

“I hope so too. Maybe in the new year. I feel like I have so much work left to do.”

“We all do. It isn’t just you. We all have a lot of work to do.”

So maybe this was her lesson. Maybe this was what she needed. To just...

She started to walk around to the front of the barn. Brody should be here soon. He should be there to help her.

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