Page 78 of The Holiday Heartbreaker

“You’re not being dramatic.”

“It’s just... He’s ashamed of me. That’s the thing. I was a foster kid that he married, and now I’ve forced him into the situation where he has a broken home. Because he couldn’t love me enough.”

“Did he say that?” Brody asked, his eyes sharp.

“No. But he said that he spent the last six years in denial over the fact that he has a broken home, essentially. And that we have to be a blended family, and it was simpler for him to just not be that.”

“He sounds like a dick, Elizabeth.”

“Yeah. I mean he kind of is. He justified having an affair and getting another woman pregnant, and all of that. But most of the terrible things he did are in the past. And he’s just been kind of benign and I’ve gotten used to it. Even though the things that he does definitely hurt Benny sometimes, it’s still left me with the most control, and now... I feel like I’m losing some of that control. I feel guilty because... Don’t I want Benny to have a relationship with his dad?”

Brody shrugged. “Maybe you don’t. Maybe that’s one thing he’s right about. It would be easier if you didn’t have to blend. If he was just gone. If you didn’t have to put up with him.”

It was just so practically, baldly stated and she loved it. That he said it like it didn’t make her a monster. That he said it like it made perfect sense.

And it gave her space to push against it. To be reasonable.

She appreciated that too.

“I thought that. But it just isn’t how it works. He was such a huge part of my life and... He has to continue being part of my life because of Benny. I have to figure out how to deal with that.”

“Maybe that’s why my mom just left. If she’d taken us with... She’d have had to deal with my dad still.”

Something inside of her went cold. “Your mom just left?”

“Yeah. I was about ten. She’d had enough. I don’t blame her. My dad was such a monster, Elizabeth.” There was something strange about the way he said that, like it was practiced. That his dad was a monster. An agreed-upon term that encompassed all sorts of actions, which were clearly a lot more complicated. A lot more terrifying.

“She didn’t take you with her?”

He shook his head. “It would never have been me if she’d taken one of us. If she took somebody, it would’ve been Hunter. He was...her favorite. Or maybe she’d have taken Lach. I mean you aren’t supposed to have favorites maybe.” His gaze went remote when he said that. “But Hunter would have been hers. He told her to go. And leave him. Is it not the bravest damn thing you’ve ever heard? A little boy telling his mom to go, and that he’ll be okay.”

“That poor little thing.”

“I know. And things just got worse after that. That’s when... Gus. Anyway. Obviously, it isn’t the same situation. Your ex is inconvenient, but he’s not dangerous. Right?”

“Yes. Right.”

“So it’s different. But I’m just saying... I think the compromise part must be really tough. I sure as hell don’t know how to do it. Instead, I just opted to not really have much in the way of relationships. I have my brothers. So, you know, compromises are at a minimum, because we all just kind of leave each other alone to do whatever needs doing. I don’t know. It’s a long-winded way of saying I think what you’re doing is really hard. And I can’t say that I understand anything but the fact that it hurts. I’m also really terrible at offering people comfort. I’ve done it pretty much zero times in my whole life.”

She had a feeling he was lying about that. Because she knew about his brothers. And she knew that he had shared those toys. And she knew it was why he didn’t like Christmas. Or even want to try to make a new version of the holiday for himself. But he was here. For the cider.

“I’ll get you a cup,” she said.

And she reached up into the cabinet and took down a simple, white cup that had come with the place. She ladled some steaming hot liquid out of the pan and handed it to him.

“Thanks,” he said.

She poured herself some and looked out the window at Benny who was still playing with the snow. “He doesn’t actually like decorating the Christmas tree,” she said. “I find that very annoying. I had images of decorating for the holidays with my kids when I was young and didn’t have a stable family.”

“You thought about having kids?”

“All the time.” It made her smile, remembering that. How simple it seemed then. “That was what I wanted. To be a wife, to be a mother. You have to understand, for me, having a real, permanent family was the biggest goal. Because I never had one. Not consistently. Not one that I stayed with. I thought that Carter and I would have a few kids by now. And they would help me decorate the Christmas tree, and we would listen to Christmas music and it would be warm and happy, and every time I’ve ever tried to make Benny help me decorate Christmas cookies or decorate the tree, it dissolves quickly. Granted he likes decorating the Christmas cookies, but mostly he just puts a glob of frosting on them and eats them. So there’s no point actually coloring all the frostings and putting out a bunch of different candy.”

“Sorry. I’m Team Benny on this one. I will watch you decorate the tree, though, and if you would like to have me over to decorate cookies, I can promise that I will eat them faster than you can get them done.”

She bent down and opened up the box, and started to take out a roll of Christmas lights.

“I can do that,” he said.

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