Page 55 of Best Friend Burden

It was hard not getting lost in my thoughts when I was by myself, which I think is part of the reason I invited Chelsea over.

“You know,” she told me, “you seem like a happy person in general. And it also seems like everything's going your way. And, yet, you don't look very happy.”

She spotted it right away. That something was wrong. That even if I was smiling, there were ideas I couldn't get out of my head.

“I'm happy,” I told her. “It's just a lot is going on.”

Chelsea looked at me in silence for a few seconds. “You know,” she said, “there are two ways for this to go. We can be work friends, where we see each other every day and don't really know each other, or we can actually be friends. Now either is fine with me, but if you want the second one, you're going to need to drop those pretenses and tell me what you're actually thinking.”

She was right, but I didn't really know where to begin. So I just picked something at random.

“I'm pregnant,” I said.

She shot to attention, and her eyes nearly bulged out of her head.

“I'm pregnant, and I just left the father.”

That was clearly too much too fast and I imagine she regretted trying to get that out of me, but as she stumbled to get the right words out, she eventually found them.

“That's... well, you weren't lying, I guess. A lot is going on.”

“Yeah,” I said, “and so I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by everything. And I'm worried what the future is going to hold.”

Was I putting too much on her? I worried I was pushing her away.

“But we don't need to talk about that,” I said. “What's going on with you?”

She laughed and shook her head.

“Me and my partner are happy, and we live a comfortable life,” she said, “but let's get back to you because that sounds much more interesting. What do you mean about the future?”

“Well,” I said, actually feeling scared to express myself verbally. These thoughts had been buzzing around in my head for the past week, and finally I had an outlet. Someone I could run them by who could offer a new perspective. I worried that once one word came out, the rest would follow in an avalanche and crush her.

“I guess I'm worried about still working the truck when I'm twice the size I am now,” I told her. “And how do I handle daycare when I have a baby to worry about?”

“You've got that kid helping you, don't you?” Chelsea said.

“Yeah, but she's still learning.”

“She seems bright and eager. She'll be able to run it all on her own in three months. And you won't need her to do that for another three months after that. Worst comes to worst, you close down for a little bit, and the rest of us chip in a bit to help you out.”

“You mean, like give me money?” I asked.

“What else could I mean?”

“Oh, I could never,” I said. “I don't like accepting charity. Especially from strangers.” Just the very thought made me uncomfortable. As did sitting here on the couch with her, talking to her like she was my therapist or something. I shouldn't have been saying any of this. It was my mess that I found my way into, and I'd be able to get myself out of it like I always managed to do in the past.

“It's not charity, it's a buffer. You need a little help now, but someone else may need it later, and you'll help them. I've said it before, but we're like a family.”

Chelsea was contemplating something. I could see her toying with an idea and perhaps struggling to put it into words.

“What is it?” I asked.

“I'm just...” she paused. “I'm not sure how to ask this, so I guess I'll just do it directly. The baby daddy, is he... dangerous?”

I almost laughed at that, it was so ridiculous. Kiefer wouldn't hurt a fly. Yeah, he always had that bad boy image going on, but I'd never heard anyone speak ill of him. Still, it was stressful when he was yelling. I was afraid of him, even though I knew there was nothing to be afraid of. Loud voices could do that to me.

“No,” I said. “He just has demons like the rest of us. And besides, he doesn't know he's the baby’s daddy. He's not in the picture. There's nothing to worry about.”

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