Page 35 of Playing Rough

I shake my head. There's a traffic jam of thoughts stuck in my throat. I can’t tell him any of this shit. I don't fully understand these feelings myself yet. But the words are coming, as sure and relentless as the tide. I won’t be able to hold everything back. The entirety of my feelings is going to spill out onto him, and soon.

But tonight, it's enough to have London lead me to the couch, pulling a blanket over us and nudging me to switch off the lamp. No giant, empty mansion could feel more like home than this.

And that scares the fuck out of me.

London nestles against my chest, hat tossed on the table and head tucked under my chin. I breathe him in, the subtle scent of cedar and musk that's intrinsically him. He smells like winter.

He smells like home.

Fuck.

"This okay?" London's voice rumbles against me.

"Perfect," I assure him, fingers trailing up and down the warm skin of his back. He hums contentedly, the sound vibrating through me.

My legs tangle with his under the blanket as we shift to get comfortable. Outside, flurries swirl in the glow of streetlights, but tucked away here, a sense of peace steals over me. With London's steady heartbeat against my ribcage, the stresses of life feel distant.

"What Christmas movie should we fall asleep to?" I murmur into his hair.

London chuckles. "Lemme guess, you like the cheesy shit likeIt’s a Wonderful Life." He tilts his head up, eyes playful. "But what about Die Hard?"

“Die Hard’s not a Christmas movie.”

He sits up with a gasp. “Bullshit. Don’t fuck with me, Kensington. I will die on this hill.”

I can’t help it. I laugh my ass off at the death glare he’s aiming my way. “Pick another movie.”

“Die Hard 2?”

I make an exaggerated noise of protest and he grins. "Fine, fine. Elf? That one always makes me laugh."

"Solid choice." London reaches for the remote, pulling up the movie and settling back against me. As the opening scenes play, his fingers trail absently along the ink on my arm.

The familiar comedy and London's touches, both comforting and electric, lull me into a state of blissful contentment. Snow continues to fall outside our blanket cocoon. London's occasional laughter against my chest makes me smile.

By the time Buddy starts enthusiastically decorating Gimbles, London's breaths have deepened into sleep. I give him a light kiss on his hair, breathing him in, feeling grateful for this special holiday moment he invited me to share.

As my own eyes grow heavy, the certainty from earlier echoes through me again. Here, wrapped up with this maddening, complex, perfect man that I used to hate, is exactly where I'm meant to be.

14

LONDON

Staringout at the snow drifting down outside my window, my mind keeps flashing back to winter break. Riot Kensington decorating a Christmas tree up in our run-down apartment. Charming my mom with his polished manners and flashing that million-dollar smile. The two of us curled up under a blanket on the couch, his steady heartbeat under my ear lulling me to sleep.

Hard to believe it was just a week ago that Riot and I were waking up together on the lumpy pull-out couch at my family’s place. Now here we are, back in our cramped apartment on campus.

The rest of the holiday week with Riot was awesome. Building snow forts in the park with my brother even though we’re all too old for that shit, and pelting Riot with snowballs until he was soaked and freezing. Wolfing down leftover turkey sandwiches at two a.m. when we both got the munchies. Riot’s trying to freestyle rap to one of Leo’s beats, making my mom crack up. Moments I already miss.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't mess with my head, having Riot share that private glimpse into my world. Seeing where I came from, how the other half lives. It cranked up the heat on the mysterious pull between me and Golden Boy.

The shrieking of my alarm jolts me back to reality. Right, no more cozy holiday bubble. Now it's back to classes, hockey, and Riot as my teammate, not... whatever we’re starting to become.

What evenis this?

I don’t fucking know.

A smile tugs at my lips even as my pulse starts to race. Having him with me over the holiday felt right in a way I can't explain. Like I've been waiting for the missing piece that is Riot Kensington to slide into place.

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