Page 72 of Playing Rough

He shoves past me roughly, making for the exit. But I pivot and grab his wrist again before he can flee.

"No, damn it! I'm sick of walking on eggshells and pretending I don’t miss the fuck out of you." Desperation makes my voice break. "Something made you push me away. Talk to me. Please. I want my best friend back."

I don’t say it, but I need him. I’ve been floating through life for three goddamn years with a Knight-shaped hole where he should’ve been. Now that he’s here, I’m not letting this go.

Knight trembles, staring at my hand on his wrist with an agonized expression. When he meets my eyes again, his are glassy with tears. I stumble back. Knight Maddox hasnevercried, including when he broke his collarbone when we were twelve.

“I can’t.” His tortured whisper tears me open.

I falter, throat clogged by this unbearable agony that’s between us now, and I don’t even know why. "Knight..."

"Forget it." He rips away from me again. "I stopped caring a long time ago."

The lie shears off another piece of my soul. He spins on his heel, storming for the exit, and this time I know better than to grab him again. But I can't just let it end like this.

"You're wrong, you know." My voice halts him at the door, his shoulders rigid. "You've never stopped caring. Not about the past. And sure as hell not about me. Just like I never stopped caring about you."

Knight doesn't turn, doesn't react at all except for the tightening of his fists.

"When you're ready to talk about whatever’s going on with you," I say, "you know where to find me."

For a long beat, he just stands there frozen. The noise of people packing up drones on in the background, filling the gulf between us. Then the door creaks open and Knight’s gone, leaving me more lost than before.

I'm not sure how long I stand there staring after him, emotions churning. But the bang of a door snaps me from my daze.

Eli steps around the corner, regarding me with knowing sympathy. "Everything okay? Sounded pretty intense between you and Maddox."

I scrub a hand over my face, exhaustion seeping into my bones. "I don't know anymore, man. But it's clear he's still battling some demons. I'm trying to be patient, but..."

Eli grips my shoulder. "You've got a big heart, Deck. Don't let this fuck you up. He’ll come around, eventually. Real friends don’t give up on each other when shit gets hard."

I can’t decide if I regret confiding in Eli about Knight throwing our friendship away like garbage or not.

I nod wearily, hoping he's right. Needing to believe I haven't lost my best friend completely. That the boy who had my back through anything once upon a time is still in there somewhere behind those brick walls.

But some wounds cut too deep to ever fully mend. And the scars they leave behind... those last forever. Right now the way he’s treating me—hell, the way he’s treated me for the last three years—is scarring the fuck out of me to the point I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fully forgive him.

Tris wanders over, slinging an arm around Eli's shoulders. "So what's got you losers looking so depressed? Get some bad pussy last night or something?"

Eli just shakes his head at Tris' usual bullshit. But I appreciate the distraction. Dwelling on could-have-beens will get me nowhere good.

"All good here, man," I say, forcing myself to shelve the storm inside for now and focus on the people who are here. "Just tough closing up shop on such an epic season, you know?"

Tris nods somberly. "Straight up. Felt like I was leaving a piece of myself back in that locker when I cleared out my stuff." He perks up. "But that just means we gotta start planning the mother of all reunions once finals are done."

Eli chuckles while I crack a smile despite everything. Tris has always had a gift for punching through any bad mood. And his reunion idea isn’t half bad—a chance to gather up all the crazy bastards who made this ride so damn unforgettable before some of them graduate or move on to the pros.

We spitball plans for a blowout reunion bash until the maintenance guys kick us out to finish their cleaning. Outside, the sun's going down, but campus is still buzzing with people.

Tris and Eli head off to grab a bite with some friends, leaving me to roam solo for a bit. I spot Riot and London acting all couple-y on a quiet corner of the quad, walking side by side and holding hands like it’s nothing. Even from a distance, their connection is obvious in the way they're always finding little ways to touch and how they can't stop grinning at each other like they’re in their own little world.

But watching Riot and London gives me hope that I can get my best friend back. If they could get over their rivalry shit and end up together, Knight and I can get past whatever issue he has and become friends again.

And who knows—if they can thaw years of bad blood, maybe there's hope for some old wounds to finally scab over.

The evening breeze ruffles my hair as I watch my friends, my brothers, get their happily ever after. I just wish I could shake the feeling that something's missing from mine. And it's not just Knight anymore. It's… something else. Something deeper and more elusive than I can put into words.

But I'll figure it out eventually. Just like I'll figure out how to bring my best friend back from the dead. Figuratively, of course.

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