Page 1 of Better Hate than Never

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Kate

My life has come to this: all my worldly possessions shoved into one trusty, albeit three-wheeled and wobbly, suitcase; seven dollars and fifty-nine cents in my bank account; and zero idea of what comes next.

This is what I get for heeding my monthly horoscope.

As the stars align, your path shifts. Change creates new chances. Old wounds offer wisdom. Your future awaits. The question is: Are you brave enough to embrace it?

That damn horoscope.

Starfished on my sister Juliet’s bed, I stare at my reflection in the nearby standing mirror and ask it, “What were you thinking?”

My reflection arches an eyebrow as if to say,You’re askingme?

Groaning, I paw around the mattress until I find my dinged-up but still operational phone, then swipe it open to turn on music. It’s too quiet in here and my thoughts are too loud.

Moments later, a song from my aptly named playlist, GET UR SHIT 2GETHER, fills the room. But it doesn’t help—not even the most high-octane feminist anthem can change the fact that I am so prone to act first, think later, so easily goaded by a challenge, that one minor family crisis coinciding with a taunting horoscope, and look where I’ve landed myself.

Home, where I haven’t been in nearly two years, or stayed forlonger than a week at a time since I graduated from college. Specifically, in my older sister Juliet’s room while she flies over the Atlantic, headed for a stay in the quaint Highlands cottage I’d been renting. A cottage, I quickly realized after breaking my shoulder and having to pass on my usual photojournalism gigs, that I couldn’t afford (neither budgeting nor saving has ever been my forte).

Since I had a rental cottage I couldn’t pay for, and my sister Juliet needed a change of scenery, swapping places was a no-brainer at the time. Now, lying in my sisters’ apartment, left alone to contemplate my choices, I’m not so sure.

As if she knows my thoughts are spiraling, my phone lights up with a text from Beatrice, my other older sister and Juliet’s twin. I can feel her happiness in a few simple sentences, and a wave of calm crests through me, a reassuring reminder—I made the right decision in coming home. Not only did it enable Jules’s much-needed escape, but it freed Bea to reunite with her boyfriend.

BEEBEE:Hey, KitKat. I’m really sry for dashing off so soon after you got here. I know you get why I needed to talk to Jamie right away, but I’ll come back tonight & we can spend time together, OK?

I bite my lip, thinking through how to respond. Neither Bea nor Jules knows how muchIknow about the predicament they were in or the solution made possible by my return. That’s because my sisters don’t know Mom spilled the tea on our monthly phone check-in and told me everything I’d missed:

Juliet and her fiancé had matchmade Bea and Jamie, the fiancé’s childhood friend. The fiancé turned out to be a toxic piece of trash, and Jules ended their relationship. Even though Jamie also cut out the piece of trash, Bea brought their relationship to a halt becauseshe knew Jamie would be a painful reminder for Jules of the man who’d hurt her. Until Jules was in a better emotional place, Bea felt that, even though it crushed her, they had to stay apart.

As I listened to my mother explain what a pickle my siblings had gotten themselves into, her voice’s speed and pitch escalating in tandem with her worry, I realized for once Iwantedto come home. The people I loved were hurting, and for once, I actually felt like I could help them, even if only in this small way.

Sure, my method required a few... untruths. But they were worth it. Small lies of omission. Harmless, really.

Harmless, huh? Just like that horoscope?My reflection gives me a skeptical glance.

I flip it off, then refocus on my phone, typing a response to Bea.

KITKAT:If you dare show your face tonight here, BeeBee, I will spin you right around & send you back where you came from.

BEEBEE:I just don’t want you to be alone your first night home.

A sigh leaves me, even as a twinge of affection pinches my chest. Older sisters.

KITKAT:Newsflash, I like being alone. I get to eat all the food Mom stuck in the fridge & dance around naked to Joan Jett.

BEEBEE:Newsflash, you’d do that with me around, anyway.

I snort a laugh and roll off the bed, wandering out of Juliet’s room into the hallway.

KITKAT:I’ll be fine. Seriously.

BEEBEE:You’re sure?

KITKAT:Yes! I promise.

BEEBEE:You could always go to Mom & Dad’s for some company?

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