Page 68 of Auctioned Mate

I wanted to be here when that happened.

But I felt like I didn’t deserve to witness it. “I just need some time, Rynar.”

“Well, if you need some time, we’re happy to watch Macy.”

“You make it sound like you’re babysitting her.”

He chuckled lightly. “We might be acting as babysitters soon enough.”

“What could you possibly mean by that?”

But Rynar didn’t have time to answer as Galanthia came into the room. “Juriah, I think she’s about to wake up.”

I rushed into the next room, resuming my position with my hand in hers. Etta smiled while ushering everyone into the hallway. “Alright, give them space. Let her wake in her own time.”

The door shut quietly. The air shifted around me.

Macy didn’t move. She didn’t twitch. Nothing had changed since I’d left her. But Galanthia wouldn’t lie about something like that, so it made me wonder what was happening.

“Did she get tired of reading to you?” I joked, trying to keep my smile steady. It was hard to face my love when I knew I had made so many errors. “What was she reading to you?”

I peeked at the bedside table.Aesop’s Fables. Wasn’t that some kind of mythology or fairy tale book? I shrugged and returned my attention to Macy.

“I can’t believe I let all this happen. I should have been better about protecting you,” I explained. “The others think that I haven’t really done anything wrong.” I rolled my eyes. “They don’t understand.”

I licked my lips.

I’d never told Macy about that awful day on the battlefield. She had asked once, and I’d kept it to myself, too fearful of how she might have reacted.

But since she was asleep…

“Back in Estaria, there was this great war,” I whispered, “and many people got caught in the crossfire of it. There was this group of young Elderlings, perhaps five of them, who had gotten lost in the woods. I came upon them during a raid.”

My tongue felt like hot leather and my body tensed at the memory.

“The other night made me think about it. And for a second, I thought that I didn’t need to punish myself anymore, but I do, Macy. I need to pay for that failed attempt.”

I smoothed my fingers over her wrist, enjoying the warmth of her skin, the safety I felt while holding on to her.

“I was just trying to get them to safety when we were attacked. There were so many enemy soldiers.” I sucked air into my lungs. “They were slaughtered, Macy. Great Star Goddess keep them in rest, they were torn to pieces. I barely had a chance to defend them.”

Disappointment returned in droves. The pain of that day, the sheer horror of what I had witnessed, and the powerlessness that had followed at once—it all felt fresh. Between the memory and reality, it felt like it had just happened.

“When I let you go ahead of me, I just…I thought you would die, Macy. You almost died. Izdor and Etta nearly lost their lives. So many other people did. That witch…”

I dropped my head into my hand as tears took over. It ballooned in my chest, reducing in short bursts as I cried quietly.

“I’m a bad Elderling and a bad soldier. I’m a horrible commander. I should never have taken you with me to that house. I should never have let you go in there by yourself.”

More of that gaping sorrow crashed into me then, forcing me to shove my face into Macy’s side. Her warmth circulated my body, feeling more like a blanket with the passage of time. I let myself cry until my eyes burned and my throat ached. I let myself give in to her presence, to appeal to her forgiving nature.

“Forgive me, my love. I should have been better.” I lifted my head and sniffled. “That’s why I have to leave for a while. I’m going to the mountains to meditate on what to do next and how I can improve my actions for the future. You deserve better.”

She grabbed my arm.

The sudden movement jarred me, catching me by surprise far better than an enemy. Though her eyes weren’t open, her lips were quivering as though she were about to speak.

“Praise the heavens,” I groaned. “Galanthia was right. You’re waking up!”

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