Page 68 of The Billionaire's Teacher

“Ugh. You’re annoying, do you know that? No. I’m not happy. But I also know that happiness isn’t the ultimate goal in life, okay?” I swallowed and took a deep breath to steady my heartrate. “It can’t work.”

“That’s certainly true if you never try.” Zee’s voice was full of frustration. “Why are you closing yourself off from living?”

“Because I’m tired of hurting. Don’t you understand that?”

“I do. You know that we aren’t promised a life free from pain though. So I have to ask if this stance of yours—the one where you hole yourself up in your secluded beach cottage or behind the thick walls of professionalism—is one that you’ve prayed about.”

I winced. “Sort of.”

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“I just wondered how you sort of pray about something.”

“Zee.”

“No. I’m serious. I suspect I have things I could sort of pray about and be lots happier with the outcomes. It’s a good idea.”

I groaned.

“What was that?”

“You’re saying I’m praying wrong?”

“You tell me. Are you praying and listening to see what God tells you? Or are you praying and telling God what you want Him to rubberstamp?”

Ouch. I didn’t know how to respond to that. It was definitely closer to how I was handling things. Weren’t we supposed to use our heads, too? If I knew something was better for me…I couldn’t even really finish the thought. Because no. I didn’t know better than God, no matter how much I might like to believe that was the case.

“You’re quiet.”

“I’m putting on a bandage.”

Zee laughed. “Girl, you know I love you.”

“I do. Love you back.”

“Good. Stop being stupid.”

“Should I smack myself in the back of the head, too?”

“Only if you think you need it. I get the feeling maybe you’ve figured it out.”

I sighed. “Zee, I don’t want to hurt again.”

“I understand that. It’s reasonable to feel that way. But isn’t the chance at love worth the risk of hurt?”

I wasn’t sure I could answer that. Before Luca, I would have said yes. Absolutely. Which was why I jumped in with both feet when he came on the scene. Would I have chosen differently if I’d known how it would end?

I tried to picture my life if I hadn’t known Luca. Without all of the memories we’d made together. But I couldn’t.

“Should I send you his contact information?” Zee’s voice was quiet, like she knew the turmoil in my brain.

“Yeah. Go ahead.” I wasn’t promising to call him. If she asked, I would make that clear. But maybe…maybe I’d pray about it. Really pray, without a pre-determined outcome I was planning on. And then see what God had to say about it.

“Good girl. I’m praying for you.”

“Thanks, Zee.” I ended the call and set my phone aside.

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