Page 11 of Hopeless
Some people might find the blue sky and the chirping of birds charming. The smell of fresh mountain air and all that. And maybe I’m being ungrateful—that’s a distinct possibility—but the charm is all lost on me.
“Beau?”
My older brother’s voice cuts into my thoughts as I sit up on the back of a horse, staring over the ridge at a valley of cows who all look the fucking same. They look the same, they eat the same thing every day, they follow each other around almost blindly.
Everything about their existence seems very simple. Boring even.
And yet they all seem happy.
I wish I were a cow. Wish I could find some joy in the monotony of ranch life. Instead, I’m restless and writhing. Trapped beneath the surface of the perfectly manicured façade I slip on for the benefit of everyone around me.
They want me to be okay. And I’m not. Not really. I want them to think I am. But these days? These days, I suck at maintaining my cover.
“Beau!” Cade’s voice is real mad now, and I can hear the danger in it. If I were his son, Luke, I’d be trembling in my boots.
But I’m not.
So I turn my head slowly to glance at my brother. “You’re dressed like some sort of emo cowboy. Why are you wearing all black on such a hot day?”
He shakes his head in disbelief. “Did you not hear me talking to you?”
I heard my name, but not much else.
“Sorry, just kinda got lost in enjoying the view. Blue skies, the birds chirping.” I wave a hand over the horizon. “It’s nice.”
My brother blinks at me, clearly unsure of what to say next. His eyelashes are so dark, he almost reminds me of a cow with the slow, lazy way he blinks at me.
“Hey, why do cows have such long eyelashes?” I ask, abruptly switching the subject.
His brow furrows in my direction beneath the brim of his cap. “What?”
“Their eyelashes. They’re just so damn long. What’s the point?”
What’s the point of anything?
The words crop up in my head. But they’re immediately followed by Bailey’s wisdom from this past weekend. And that has my lips tipping up ever so slightly.
Trust your struggle.
So I do. I trust that there’s a perfectly good reason my brain needs to know about cow eyelashes.
Cade clears his throat. I’m clearly confusing the hell out of him. And he’s doing the thing my family does where they cater to me, no matter how ridiculous I act. Tiptoe around me like it helps me when they accommodate my every whim somehow.
Not like Bailey, who gives me shit at every turn.
“It’s just to protect their eyeballs. Dust, rain, insects. That kind of thing.”
“Huh.” I rest my gloved hands on the horn of my saddle and gaze down at the whole dumb herd of them. “I should have figured that one out. Seems obvious now that you say it.”
He hits me with a forced smile, and I stifle a laugh. Cade pretending to be all soft and sensitive is too fucking awkward to take. I wish he’d make a mean joke and threaten to kick my ass.
Thatwould make me feel normal again.
“Ready then?”
Ready.
I stare down at the field. His question is one I’ve heard before. And yet, it’s monumentally different right now.
