Page 134 of Hopeless
“You can’t keep this up.”
“What?”
“Staying up all night with me and working on the ranch all day.”
“Sure I can. I sleep through 2:11 like a baby with you here.”
I roll my lips together, weighing my words carefully. “We need to talk about what we’re doing at some point, Beau. We basically fuck, cuddle, and then you watch me work.”
“Yes, it’s perfect.”
“You can barely keep your eyes open.”
“It’s not my fault you’re so horny all the time. You wear me out. I’m old. It’s hard to keep up.”
I can’t help but laugh. “You don’t seem to struggle with keeping up. Like, at all.”
“Was talking to Mitch Henderson, the fire chief, the other day while I gassed up.”
“Oh?”
He nods, his chin bumping up against the top of my head. “Yeah. He told me to come down any time, and he’d slide me into the next training group. Thinks I’d be perfect for the job.”
I know he doesn’t mean anything by it, but his comment chafes. A casual conversation at the gas pump gets him an in with whatever job he wants. Meanwhile, I struggle to stay afloat at a job where it’s taken years for me to work my way up. And truthfully, I don’t know how they haven’t fired me yet. And now I have another job with a woman who thinks we’re about to become sisters-in-law.
It feels unfair, and I go rigid in his arms as I wrap my head around what he’s just told me. I’m happy for him.
I am.
I’m not happy for me. He’s putting down roots here, and I’m still planning my exit strategy. I’m going to be the first person in my family to attend university. I have plans for myself because I don’t want to be Chestnut Springs Bailey. I’ll always be a Jansen here, no matter what. The fact Beau thinks he still needs to watch over me constantly is proof. And whether or not he wants to admit it, he can’t keep it up.
“You would be great at that, I agree.”
“Then when you go off to school, I’ll have a regular schedule that we can work around if need be.”
“Oh.” I don’t know why I assumed he hadn’t planned for this.
“Long distance. To start with.”
“Long distance.” Even I can hear the surprise in my voice as I repeat his idea. “We could do long distance. And it’s not that far. An hour? That’s child’s play.”
But what doesto start withmean? That he expects me to move back to Chestnut Springs?
“Of course we can.”
God, I’m an idiot. He probably isn’t even thinking that far ahead. I should just enjoy the moment. Trust that Beau has got this.
I squeeze him and suck in a deep breath of his citronella scent.
Long distance.
I’ll miss this, though. Having him every day. I’ve only had it for a week, and I already know I’ll have a hard time going without.
And that prospect terrifies me.
“Bailey.”
“Yeah?”
