Page 140 of Hopeless
His features are stone as he stares back at me, giving nothing away—except the vein that runs down over his temple is pulsing.
One, two, three.
His heart beats.
My heart beats.
He stares at me while I try to catch up.
“Since when?”
“A few years now.”
A few years.
God.
The ache in my chest has me gasping for breath. It could take me to my knees if I let it.
“Trouble in paradise, sissy?” Aaron taunts, the stench of his breath filling the air around me as he leans in close.
It’s the swat of my dad’s grizzled hand that pulls him back. My dad was always swatting us. Sometimes harder than others.
My own father says nothing to me as he passes by; instead, he mutters to my brothers, “You fools trying to get me sent back to the clink? Get out.”
I erupt.
“Yes! Get out!” My voice is loud and strong and brimming with years of frustration. My hand doesn’t even shake as I point at the door. “Go to jail. Go to hell. Go dig a hole six feet deep and stay there. I don’t fucking care. But goaway. Far, far away from me and my life. I am done!”
I can feel every goddamn eye in the place on me. Like people are confused by the fact that I don’t seem chummy with my family.
“Done with all you assholes and all your shit! I am done being treated like garbage. I am done rising above it all with a polite fucking smile. I am done trying to be classy about it. I am done with being related to you when Ihateyou. Go. Away.”
A pin could drop, and you’d hear it. The bar is silent. All I can hear is my labored breathing and the blood rushing through my veins.
With a scoff, they leave. I doubt they even care about what I’ve said to them today. But it felt good all the same.
So I keep going.
“And everyone else!” I turn and face the other patrons in The Railspur. “Stop looking at me like I’m infectious. Stop watching me like this is entertainment. Stop treating me like you’re superior. You’re all cruel and shitty and bigoted and have made living here my entire life absolutely miserable.”
The vast majority of people in the bar look like deer caught in the headlights. I just ran my truck into them full tilt. There are a couple murmured “sorrys” and the odd clearing of a throat.
I just shake my head and prop my hands on my hips as I peer over at the table that myfamilyjust left. Dined and dashed, naturally.
I used to have to pay for those out of pocket.
But ever since “new ownership” took over, we haven’t been on the hook for walkouts. Or, well, I haven’t been. No one in this town would walk away without paying, unless I was their server—then it was a funny joke. I used to hear them laughing about it.
Until “new ownership” banned anyone who left without paying from coming back.
Fuck.Fuck. How long has Beau been looking out for me? And he let all this go unsaid while we …
While I started to feel …
“Beau, you get out too. I need to get back to work,” I whisper as I lift my chin and drop my shoulders.
I’ve held my head high through deeper embarrassments. This will be no different.
