Page 151 of Hopeless
I’m staring at him when he finally glances up, like he finally felt me here, soaking him in. Spellbound by him.
Not for the first time today, he hits me with a smile that makes my entire body warm. It’s genuine and soulful, and so damn boyish.
I love that smile.
With no further overthinking, I turn the key to stop the ignition and step out of the truck. After a quick glance in both directions, I’m walking to him. Okay, more like jogging.
“Hi,” I whisper as I stand in front of him, my eyes getting lost in his.
“Hi,” he says, patting the bench beside him.
I take a deep breath and sit down next to him. The wooden slats are warm beneath my bare legs, and I feel safe next to Beau’s strong body. “How was the job interview?”
“I got the job.” His voice brims with pride, and my eyes sting. “And not because they knew who I was. They’ll put me straight into a training group because of my JTF2 experience. And that … I earned that. I worked really hard to get into that unit. It’s a big part of who I was, who I’ll always be. I miss it. But I was offered a chance at a job today based on that merit. It’s not a favor from a friend or a built-in job from my family.”
He turns now to look at me, shoulder bumping mine lightly. “Been sitting here thinking about today. It feels good to be wanted because you bring something to the table. I’m really proud about this possibility, Bailey. It feels like I earned it. And I’m sorry I took that away from you.”
I hum, or sob. I’m not sure which, but it lodges in my throat, and I blink my lashes wildly to keep from crumbling in front of him. “Thank you,” I whisper, and then I reach across the sun-baked wood and take his hand in mine. Calloused fingers envelop my own, and I sigh, enjoying his touch.
I close my eyes and soak up the moment.
“Did you find us a nice place to live?”
“No. I couldn’t look without you.”
His fingers pulse.
“Actually, I went to one. She showed me the dining room, and I started crying.”
“Why? Was it nice?”
“No.” I sniff, feeling the tears slip out past my lashes. “It was too fucking small for our family dinners.” I finish the sentence with a true sob, one that he hears loud and clear.
“Oh, Bailey.” His voice is so tender, and his grip is so firm as he gathers me against him. Strong arms encircle my shoulders. “Baby, please don’t cry. I’ll do anything to make you not cry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
I bury my face in the crook of his neck and breathe him in. “Don’t lie to me again. Ever. Don’t pull the rug out from under me again. Ever.” I draw back, gripping his handsome face in my hands, searching his eyes. “I fucking missed you. God. Even when I’m furious with you, I want to be with you.”
He grins.
“It’s not funny. I think I’m obsessed with you. Like every other starry-eyed girl in that godforsaken town.”
He laughs.
“Don’t laugh. It’s diagnosable. I’m mad at you, and I lay awake all night wondering if you were sleeping. Or if you’d eaten. After years of holding it together, I’ve finally lost it.” I try to pull a hand up to swipe away my tears, but he’s holding me so tight, so close that I can’t.
I opt to wipe my face on his shirt instead.
“You haven’t lost it. Or if you have, so have I. Because I was wondering all the same things. Shit, I don’t know how many times I got up to check the perimeter of the house. So the answer is no, I wasn’t sleeping.” He chuckles, like that’s funny.
I gaze at him in wonder. “But why?”
“You ask an awful lot of questions some days, Bailey Jansen.”
“I don’t understand, though. You. This. The breakfasts. None of it makes sense to me.”
His smile is different this time, tinged with sadness, brimming with reverence as he touches me urgently, brushing my hair behind my ears. “You’re not used to anyone showing up for you, Bailey. This is what that looks like. I told you I love you. I’ve never loved a woman before. Wasn’t sure I ever would. But now I do. And you and me? We’re a team. You don’t quit on your teammates. You don’t leave a man behind. So now you’re stuck with me. I’m just being patient. Waiting for you to come back.”
My tears fall freely as I listen to him pour his heart out to me.
