Page 39 of Hopeless
A border. One side holds all the pain, but if you cover it up? It’s like nothing ever happened.
I want to ask questions, but I don’t. Nothing worse than people rummaging through your trauma just so they can rubberneck.
I know the sensation, and I won’t subject Beau to it. If he wants to tell me his stories, he will.
He notices me staring, and he winces. I recognize the look on his face because I’ve experienced it.
Embarrassment.
I feel inclined to snap him out of it.
My gaze falls to the dog tags around his neck. I reach for them, the bumps in the chain sliding through my fingers, but his eyes stay trained on his feet.
I give the chain a tug, startling him out of his moment. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” His brow furrows.
I tug again, pulling him closer. “Don’t play stupid. And don’t be ashamed.”
I try to step back, to give myself space, because the way he’s staring at me right now is disarming. But his big hands move fast, shaping my waist and gripping me.
Immobilizing me.
The low morning sun is blinding white over the tops of the trees, and I swear it gives him an otherworldly effect as he glares down at me.
He drops his head and brushes his nose against my cheek. My head tilts, and my fingers grip the tags tighter, tongue darting out over my lips.
Is he going to kiss me?
Our lips are almost touching, but I’m too stunned to move.
“Shame?” He hums the word but doesn’t press closer. I feel the warmth of his breath against my damp lips, the rumble of his deep baritone over my throat. “Rich coming from the girl who just refused to answer my question about her—”
I push away from him, chest heaving like I’ve just been on a run. My nostrils flare as I try to pull myself together.Again.
Composing myself, I brush at my dress and steer the conversation in a different direction. “Okay, well, I’m going home. I’ll see you around.” I give him a drive-by smile, one that feels forced and is only turned on him for a beat as I look around myself, settling on the ground like it’s super interesting.
“What about your brothers?”
He snaps my attention back up to him with the question and I wave him off. “Nah. They’ll be sleeping off last night. Without Dad around, they don’t even pretend to stay in line.”
He assesses me a little too closely. His jaw pops, which suggests he doesn’t believe me or doesn’t like the answer. The edge of anger emanating from him makes me nervous.
“Okay, well—”
“We need to tell my family soon. Would be weird for them to find out from someone else.”
“I’m off tonight. We could … ”
“Okay. I’ll see what I can pull together and let you know.”
He’s all business now. Except for the leaf stuck in his hair. My cheeks tug up at the sight.
I expected to feel uncomfortable around Beau, uncomfortable with this deal. But I don’t. I practically showed him my nipples, and now we’re standing here chatting like normal grown-ups who can easily talk about sex and bodies.
“Great. Well … ” I rock on my feet, searching for a way to end this conversation, not sure where we go from here. “Thanks for the … practice.” The word comes out on an awkward laugh, and I shake my head at myself, dropping my gaze again.
Only to see that the swelling in his shorts is still there.
