Page 57 of Unburdening His Heart

“Has something ever felt so big, so all-consuming that you can’t think or breathe? Something that devours you from the inside out…” She doesn’t answer so I keep going. “I don’t know what to do with it, Andrea. Do I let it go? Do I fight for it?”

Her eyes find mine, understanding and sympathy staring back at me.

“Andrew.” Her voice cracks at the end, her tone broken and sad.

She knows. It’s not like I’m trying to hide it. At least, not anymore. Something has changed. Charlie and I have gone from just releasing pent up sexual tension to me craving her all day, every day.

And it’s not just about sex, even though that’s phenomenal. Being around her eases all the chaos and noise in my head. I feel like my soul has found its home when I’m around her, and that fucking terrifies me.

“I’m scared I’m going to fuck it up. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be good enough.”

Her hand reaches over to take mine. Her fingers latch on tightly, refusing to let go. “Andrew Shaw, you are one of the best men I know. Don’t ever doubt that. We may have had our differences, and I may not understand everything, but I know now that whatever happened—whatever changed you—was for a damn good reason. You sacrifice so much of yourself for everyone around you, and you need to stop.”

A self-deprecating laugh leaves my lips, and her eyebrows furrow in anger. It’s not that fucking easy. It never is.

“Don’t do that. Don’t sell yourself short. You don’t think I’ve figured out something happened with Dad? That I don’t know he was responsible for you changing? I’m just waiting for you to be ready. I’m here, and I want to fucking help you. You need to let it all go so you can live your life, Andrew. Addy and I just want you to be happy, and right now? You’re fucking miserable.”

The laugh dies in my throat. It feels like she landed a punch straight to my gut. She’s not wrong. I’m fucking tired and miserable. Tired of carrying all of this. Tired of his bullshit, the lies, and the half-truths. But when I turn to look at her, the truth dies on my lips.

She may have an inkling—she may suspect—but she doesn’t know the extent of it all. Of how cruel and deep the secrets run, and I’m a coward because I can’t bring myself to be the one to shatter her world.

“Maybe I’m just meant to be miserable. Maybe that’s my cross to bear.”

“You can’t really believe that?” Concern radiates from her body.

I shake my head. “I don’t know what I believe anymore. What I do know is she deserves better.”

Andrea’s quiet for a minute, the crickets and frogs in the backyard the only sound around.

“You are right about one thing.” I’m surprised by her response and curious to see which part she thinks I’m right about. “She does deserve better than a man who is punishing himself over the sins of others. That man isn’t truly living. That man is a fraction of who he’s truly meant to be.”

She gives one last squeeze of my hand before releasing me and standing. She makes it all the way to the back door before turning and looking back at me.

Her words are turning over and over in my mind. I know she’s right, but I also don’t know how to fix it. At least, not right now.

“I love you, Brother. I just wish you’d trust me to help you. Maybe one day you will. When that day comes, I’ll be ready.” She steps into the house and closes the door behind her.

I blow out a breath of frustration. It’s not that I don’t trust her. It’s that I don’t want to break my sisters’ hearts. I will do anything to keep that from happening, but I believe that time has come and gone. There’s no other way out of it now.

Andrea deserves her happily ever after. That’s exactly what I want to make sure she has before the whole world around us crumbles and leaves only ruins and broken pieces to try to fucking glue back together.

I just need to hold on tight for a little while longer…

It’s barely light out when I wake up, and the house is quiet. Jack and Andrea should have already left for work. I went to bed last night after talking with Andrea, and I slept like shit. I don’t feel any better about things right now than I did last night. I need to talk to Charlie, apologize and try to explain.

I toss the blankets aside and get out of bed. I scrub my hands over my face, then stretch my arms over my head. Yawn.

I don’t know what I’ll even say to Charlie or if she’ll even be willing to listen. She’s at work today, too. I’m sure showing up and pulling her aside privately will raise some eyebrows. Though, Andrea would know. Last night, it sounded as though she’s figured out how I feel about Charlie, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it.

There’s no reason to put it off, so I push myself off the bed and head into the bathroom. I need a shower before I go to see Charlie. I turn the water on and strip down while it gets warm before I step under the stream.

I stand under the warm water, allowing it to soak me fully. Despite the heat, my muscles are still tense. I try desperately to piece together an explanation to give Charlie, but nothing I come up with will do. Nothing is good enough or what she deserves from me.

I wash and rinse myself quickly, turn off the water, and grab a towel from the shower bar. I hastily dry my hair and body. How could I have let this happen? As if my life wasn’t already a shit storm, now I’ve added falling for my sister’s best friend into the mix.

“You’re a special kind of stupid, Andrew,” I tell myself in the mirror.

“Are you talking to yourself?”

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