Page 23 of Friends with Benefits

I lift the peak of my cap and set it back on my head with a sigh. ‘I don’t know.’

She reaches up and shuffles the peak of my cap to the left, like she always used to do, right before she says, ‘It’s crooked.’

When she says the words, I feel my lips curve up the smallest amount. She brings her palm to my cheek. Her touch feels… normal.

‘I’ve missed you, Jake.’ The words leave her as a whisper that’s almost lost in the sound of rustling of leaves in the trees around us. ‘Walk back with me?’

I don’t know why I say it but I do. ‘Race you.’

We both sprint down the last click, panting and laughing by the time we stop outside her parents’ summer home. She stands with her hands on her hips, catching her breath. I can feel her gaze trained on me. I’m not ready for her. Instead, I look at the house and say, ‘This is nice.’

‘It’s new. Ish. They bought it a little over a year ago.’

‘In times gone by, I would have known that without you having to tell me.’

‘You used to know everything about me, Jake.’

I turn to her now, by my side. ‘Not everything.’

‘I messed up. I screwed up and I’m sorry. But how long are you going to hold it against me? Are you honestly willing to throw everything away? Twenty-odd years of friendship?’

I glare at her now. ‘I didn’t, Emily. I didn’t.’

‘I just said I’m sorry! I said it again, for the hundredth time. I’m sorry. But it’s not like it was easy for me seeing you with girls night after night at college. I hated it!’

‘He was one of my closest friends. He was my roommate. You were in my goddamn house!’

It feels good to yell at her, even if we are in the street and a woman walking by with a stroller is staring at us. It feels good and too long overdue. But when her anger wanes and her eyes fill, I can’t keep it up. My red screen retracts and I pull her into my shoulder. She wraps her arms around me tightly. I rest my chin on her cap.

‘Stop crying. You know I hate when you cry.’

‘I can’t help it,’ she mumbles against me. ‘You smell so bad, it’s making my eyes water.’

I feel her shoulders shake and laugh with her. ‘How did we end up here?’ I ask, not sure whether I meant to say it aloud.

She pulls back from my hold. ‘I think maybe we loved each other too much.’ As I’m trying to fathom what in the hell that cryptic mess means, she asks, ‘Can I see you, while you’re here? Just… to talk. Catch up.’

Do I want that? I’m not sure but the pleading look on her face makes me say, ‘The gang’s here. I’m sure they’d like to see you. There are some new additions now. I think you’ll like them. Come over for dinner if you like.’

Her smile is barely there but it is there. ‘I’d like that.’

I head into Drew’s house toward the kitchen, where I find two sets of inquisitive eyes on me. Drew and Brooks share the same expression.

‘Don’t ask,’ I tell them.

I take the glass of water they’ve poured for me and hand one to Kit who’s finally made his way home. We take them out back. The first thing I notice is Marty lying on the deck chair, still clothed as he was when we left but without a cell phone in his hand. His arms are behind his head and his attention is focused on the decking by the pool. Drew, Brooks, Kit and I stand in a row along the pool’s edge, following Marty’s gaze to the five bodies bent over into downward dog. Five asses are pressed high into the air as the girls adopt their yoga pose.

There’s only one pair of cheeks I’m fixed on and that’s the pair that were the source of my morning wood. I watch Jess transition into another move. I recognize the plank, then she lowers her chest to the mat and pushes up on her hands until the only other part of her body touching the mat is the tops of her feet. Her back is arched, her head back, her breasts pushed up. I know what that body can do. How she makes me feel. And it is not good when I’m wearing sweats.

I look along the row and I know that each one of us is having thoughts that belong in the gutter. Then something occurs to me and I shout over toward the pool. ‘Who the hell are you looking at, Marty?’

He snaps his head toward us and grins. Snide mother…

‘He can take his preying eyes off my girl, or I’ll damn well make him,’ I mumble.

‘I thought you said you were just friends?’ Drew asks.

I give him a look that says, Mind your own business. Because right now, I’m really confused about where friendship stops and exclusive relationship begins.

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