Page 30 of Friends with Benefits

‘I like this shirt on you,’ she says, twisting to face me. She fiddles with the collar of my pink shirt. I breathe her in, the scent I love on her. She looks up to me, her teeth pressed into her lip. I would pay big money to know what is going on in her mind right now. I stare at the lips she’s painted red. They look inviting. Too inviting. I tug her bottom lip from her teeth with my thumb.

‘You have lipstick all over your teeth,’ I lie.

‘I do?’ She starts rubbing her teeth frantically with her finger, breaking the dangerous tension. When I laugh, she gives me a thump in my pec. ‘I hate you.’

‘You love me.’ I tuck her under my arm and we head downstairs.

The smell of beef bourguignon, or maybe coq au vin, hits my nose before we even make it to the kitchen. It could be either because I know Becky and Edmond decided to cook both dishes for everyone tonight. Whichever, it smells damn good. I tell Becky and Edmond as much as they work around each other, seamlessly navigating chopping boards, checking on food in the oven. I can see how these two work well together in the restaurant.

Edmond leans in to taste some kind of mixture Becky has in a large bowl. He takes a bit from the teaspoon she holds. ‘More vanilla,’ he says.

She nods. ‘Agreed.’

‘Those two are like a well-oiled machine. It’s impressive,’ I say, stepping onto the decking.

‘I told them they didn’t have to cook but they love it,’ Drew says, handing Jess a glass of champagne and me a bottle of beer.

‘You can’t tell a chef to stop cooking,’ Amelie says.

Everyone is sitting around on the wicker furniture. Jess is chatting with Madge and Izzy about style tips. I love that she can mix with everyone easily. It’s always been one of the things I’ve admired about her. She can talk to anyone, in any setting. I guess many years immersed in different countries and cultures is the reason. But, right now, I wish she wasn’t deep in conversation, because my mind is wandering to Emily and the fact she could turn up at any minute.

What was I thinking inviting her here tonight?

I don’t have too long to panic because the flow of Emily’s dress in the wind catches my eye as she comes up to the house from the beach. I watch her and exhale heavily, slowly. It’s been more than three years we haven’t spoken, and the last feelings I had for her were far more than friendly. I was contemplating spending the rest of my life with her. The girl I grew up with. The girl I loved. The person whose presence in my life meant as much as my parents’, my brother’s.

Jess breaks from her conversation to follow my gaze. She puts her hand on my thigh and squeezes. ‘You’ve got this, Jake. You’ve got this.’

I nod, not sure that I’ve got this at all, but grateful for the sentiment.

Emily and I meet on the decking below the pool. She hands me a bottle of wine but keeps hold of the flowers she’s carrying. Her skin is pale, her lips a light pink. She has a small amount of makeup around her eyes. Her hair is loose and blowing in the wind with her polka-dot dress.

‘Hi,’ she says, clearly as unsure as I am.

‘You look nice.’

‘Thanks.’

I lean in. I think to kiss her cheek, which is weird, because that’s not our thing. She goes for a hug and we wind up in an awkward hug-kiss situation.

‘This used to be easy,’ she says with a short laugh.

‘Did we ever hug and kiss?’

She bunches her lips together in a way I’m familiar with and shakes her head. ‘Only that one time.’ She winks and I chuckle. The heavy air diminishes.

‘Come on up.’ On the deck, I introduce her to Izzy and Becky, not needing to introduce her to everyone else she’s already met.

Conveniently, Jess has disappeared.

‘Ems, I haven’t seen you for an age,’ Brooks says. He pulls her into conversation, which gives me a chance to get myself together and look around for Jess. Eventually, she comes onto the deck.

‘She’s even more beautiful in real life,’ she whispers to me.

I decide against responding to that. For years, I didn’t think about whether Emily was attractive or not. She was just Emily. Even when I thought my feelings for her were changing, I don’t think I thought of her as hot, or like I needed to tear her clothes off.

‘Em, come here a sec,’ I call. ‘This is Jess. She’s my… ah…’

Jess thrusts her hand out. ‘I’m his roomie in London.’

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