Page 39 of Friends with Benefits

I’m still rooted to the spot as she pats me on the arm, like a coach telling his pitcher to have a good game, and she goes back to our table.

I glance to the bar and see Emily and Brandon have disappeared. I adjust my cap, run a hand along my stubble-covered jaw, and turn to join the others.

Clearing my suddenly dry throat, I sit on the sofa next to Jess, resting my forearms on my knees and needlessly fiddling with the peak of my cap.

Sarah finally starts up a conversation, breaking the silence around the table. I turn my head to look at Jess and ask, for her ears only, ‘What was that?’

‘I was saving you from yourself. Thank me or forget about it,’ she snaps, in a way that’s not like her.

I narrow my eyes, trying to read her tone, her body language, her mind. I can’t make sense of anything any more.

She turns on a smile and briefly takes part in the conversation.

I sit back in my seat and watch her. That kiss was… What was that kiss?

After a few minutes, Jess flutters her hand in front of her cheek. ‘Gosh, I’m a little warm. I’m going to see if I can catch some breeze for a few minutes.’

It’s as if she is saying the words to herself because she looks at no one, just gets up, grabs her cocktail and walks toward the end of the deck, even though there’s plenty of breeze where we are. She rests her forearms on the fencing and looks out to sea. Her shoulders seem to deflate. I’m about to stand and go to her when Sarah beats me to it.

‘I think I’ll join her,’ she says, giving me a look that makes me feel like I’m not invited. She drops a hand to Drew’s shoulder in a way that says, I’ve got this.

I’m glad someone understands what the hell is going on.

‘Help me get more drinks?’ Drew asks. I know he wants to talk. Usually, it wouldn’t be my thing but right now, if someone wants to even point me in the right direction, I’ll follow willingly.

Drew puts in the order and I lean back on the bar, looking out to where Jess and Sarah stand, shoulder to shoulder in the gray light of dusk.

While the server mixes up twelve margaritas, Drew rests an arm on the bar, facing me. ‘Should we start with the truth of what happened between you and Emily or what’s going on with you and Jess?’

‘Before this week, I thought I had one old best friend and one new best friend; does that satisfy your curiosity?’

He shrugs. ‘What exactly do you have now?’

I shake my head slowly. ‘If I could answer that question, I probably wouldn’t have watched both women run away from me just now.’

‘Was that Brandon who walked in here with Emily? Your old college roommate?’

I nod. Too furious to talk about him yet. ‘Yeah, that’s the dickhead I used to live with.’

‘He’s with Emily?’

‘What did it look like?’ I snap.

He holds up a hand. ‘All right. Let’s park that one for now until you calm down. Why don’t we talk about what’s got you in a mess with the Brit?’

I take off my cap and replace it, grumbling in the process. ‘Nothing, I guess. We’re friends. She was trying to stop me from being a jackass in the middle of a bar and, I don’t know, maybe in front of Emily.’

‘Jesus, I thought I got women mixed up sometimes. That kiss might have started out as a way to stop you from brawling in a bar but it wasn’t all she was doing. That was a possessive kiss if ever I saw one. Jess was marking her territory. You’re blind if you can’t see what this is about for her.’

‘You’ve got her wrong, Drew. She’s here because I asked her to come. I knew seeing Emily would dredge up a truckload of stuff I haven’t dealt with and probably should have in the last three years. I trust Jess implicitly. I wanted her to stop me from doing something stupid. That’s what she was doing. She was being a good friend.’

Drew shakes his head but lets it lie and carries four of our drinks back toward the table. I stay put, watching as Sarah leans her temple against Jess’s. She’s upset. And I’m no idiot. There was more to that kiss than being a good friend. There had to have been more because I felt it. I felt it like a wave crashing over me. Hitting me with such ferocity, it turned me inside out.

Jess has more walls around her than a fort. And I… I don’t know what I want. I only know I can’t lose her.

So, maybe, we do what she says. I act grateful that she intervened before my fist met Brandon’s jaw in a public place, and I forget everything I just felt in that kiss. I don’t dwell on the fact I felt more in those thirty seconds than I felt when Emily kissed me on the beach, or even when I made love to her all those years ago.

It was only a kiss. We’re friends.

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