Page 41 of Friends with Benefits

She softens her tone. ‘But you have fallen for her. You’ve fallen for someone you weren’t supposed to. See, it happens, Jake. We fall in love when we least expect it and sometimes with the people we don’t mean to.’

‘I’m not talking about Jess and me. I’m talking about you and Brandon, going behind my back. And don’t blame love or the damn Cupid effect, Ems. You were the two people I trusted most. My closest friends. You went behind my back and you…’

Ripped my heart out.

‘Don’t blame love for what happened last night. You kissed me. What kind of love is that?’

She nods and settles her gaze on her bare toes in the sand. ‘I know. I did kiss you.’ She takes a deep breath and turns to look out to sea. ‘I do love him. But I love you too. I always have. I think it’s possible that he’s the man I’m supposed to be with but that you’re my soulmate, Jake. I want to love him with all of me, I do. But then I saw you here and I thought maybe it was a sign. Like I’d found you again and—’

‘Stop it, Emily. I won’t let you put me in a spin again.’

‘I’m not trying to do that. I… I just don’t think I can live without you, Jake. I need you in my life. I don’t think I can love Brandon unless we’re okay. And… if… if I can only have you by us being together or me not being with him…’

I pull off my cap and drag a hand through my hair, exhaling loud enough to be heard above the sound of the waves.

‘I want you in my life too,’ I admit to her, and myself. I turn to stand by her side, both of us looking out to the same dark horizon. ‘But not like that. I don’t want to give you an ultimatum.’

Would she really give him up, the man she says she loves, for me?

The thought weighs heavily on my shoulders and I’m suddenly exhausted. By us. Our whole story.

‘Go home, Emily.’

I don’t look back as I walk to the house. The lights are out inside but I hear voices as I come up the path to the patio. Under the light of outdoor lanterns, I see Drew and Brooks sitting in two garden chairs. Brooks’ guitar rests against his seat.

Then it hits me: the distinct, sweet smell of weed. I sniff as I get closer. I see the joint Brooks passes to my brother as he leans his head back and exhales white smoke. Ah, how I’d enjoy the heady fog of marijuana right now.

‘You boys smoking without me?’

‘Here he is. Casanova,’ Brooks says, chuckling in a way that’s not much like him. A way that tells me he’s already getting high.

I hook my finger, beckoning Drew to hand over the joint. I take it from him and sit on the deck, one knee pulled up to my chest. It’s been a while since I smoked weed. None of us have ever been big on it but… I take my first drag, taking it back, feeling it fill my lungs and disperse into my body.

I hand the joint to Brooks and finally get my thoughts out loud. ‘You two sitting up, putting the world to rights, while everyone else is in bed. Smoking weed. Something you only do when you have something to celebrate. So, boys, what are we celebrating?’

Brooks pulls on the joint, turning the end orange. ‘Not my call, man,’ he says.

I look to my brother. His lip curls at one side, giving me that smile I learned from him. Cool as ice.

‘I’ll tell you, kid. But first, it’s about time you leveled about what went down with you and Emily.’

I reach out and take the smoke from Brooks, cocking my head to one side as I take another hit, knowing full well that the glint in my eye is a match for my brother’s.

Exhaling a plume of smoke, feeling my head get a little lighter, I tell him, ‘All right, I’ll tell you about Emily. And once I’m through, you can admit that we’re sitting out here getting stoned because you’re going to propose to Becky.’

I lean over and hand Drew the joint. He meets my eye, then takes it from me with that slick smirk. ‘You always were too smart for your own good.’

‘Yeah, well, that’s thanks to you, huh?’

His eyes narrow as he sobers and stares at me.

‘Come on, I know you paid for me to go to college. I’m not stupid. I just want you to say it so I can thank my brother for the best thing anyone has ever done for me.’

He swallows hard, his Adam’s apple pulling the skin of his neck taut.

‘Mom doesn’t ever need to know you know, Jake.’

I nod. ‘I’m with you.’ I stand and move in front of my brother, holding out my hand. He stands, taking hold of my forearm with his free hand. I pull him into me and wrap my arm around him. ‘I fucking love you, Drew.’

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