Page 52 of Friends with Benefits

‘You don’t say.’ He laughs. ‘Look, all I can tell you is, every time I’ve spoken to her, she talks about you. Every godforsaken word that leaves her mouth is some variation of how great you are, even when she doesn’t realize she’s doing it.’

I stare at him, both of us doggy paddling. It is? ‘She’s crazy about you, Jake, whether she wants to accept it or not. Maybe if you took your head out of your ass long enough, you’d both see that you’re perfect for each other. You don’t want other men to have her? Do it yourself.’

He swims the few yards back to the boat and Drew glares at me as he gives Marty a hand up.

I can hear Marty say, ‘I thought you were crazy over Becky. Your brother takes it to a new level.’

I take a deep breath and sink into the water, exhaling, trying to find the answer to what the hell I’m supposed to do from here.

If what Marty says is true, if she feels like that, and she still won’t take down her walls, how can we keep going on? I can’t be the person who makes her afraid every day. But if I push, if I force her to take my hand and break down those walls with me, I have to be sure. Or I lose her. I’ll lose her like I lost Emily.

But the way the thought of losing Jess wrecks my body, makes my heart feel like it would rather stop beating than be without her, I know what I have to do.

I kick up to the surface and get back on the boat.

‘That was a two-hundred-dollar cigar you ruined, jackass,’ Marty says.

‘Just thinking of your lungs, man.’

‘Crazy mother…’

* * *

We dock the boat, Drew and Brooks tying off the lines as I steer. We unload and then split into the two cars. Still wet from my dip in the ocean, I sit on a towel in the passenger seat of Brooks’ truck. He and Kit talk across the seats but I don’t hear anything. I haven’t heard much since my run-in with Marty. All I’ve felt is the increasing tightness in my gut. All I’ve seen is Jess. The way she looks at me. And I wonder why I never saw it before.

By the time we get back to the house, I’m a pent-up ball of emotion.

Brooks pats my back when he, Kit and I stand on the driveway at the back of the truck. ‘Go do what you’ve got to do, man. We’ve got this.’

I take an unsteady breath. Where do I even start?

Patting his arm, I move past him. ‘Thanks.’

As I walk through the house, I hear the girls talking and laughing. I kick off my wet sneakers and follow the voices out to the deck. The girls are sitting around, drinking champagne. I notice Emily there too and I feel her eyes on me, but I haven’t got time for her. Only Jess.

The voices stop as I step onto the deck and look her way. She smiles. The kind of smile that somehow steadies my nerves when I’m not sure anything else can. I’m vaguely aware of Sarah asking why my clothes are wet, but I can only focus on the stunning woman, my best friend, who is staring back at me.

Jess sits forward, placing her glass down on the table before her, reading me like only she can, knowing I need her. ‘Is everything okay?’ she asks.

I think I shake my head as I tell her, ‘No.’ The word comes out barely more than a whisper, croaking through my dry throat.

She stands and comes over to me, concern on her face. She runs her hands down my arms, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

‘What’s wrong, Jake? You’re worrying me.’

I want to tuck her hair behind her ear. I want to run my thumbs across the smooth skin of her cheeks. I want to kiss the lips I can’t take my eyes from.

But not here. Not like this.

I slip my hand into hers and lead her through the house, up the stairs to our bedroom. I set my cell phone to play our playlist. One we made months ago called ‘Friday Nights with Red Wine’.

She stands in front of the closed door, not coming closer to me. I open the doors of the bedroom balcony, letting the sea breeze blow into the room and the fresh salt air surround us. Then I cross the room to her.

‘Jake?’

I didn’t know until now what I wanted, what I needed to do. Now, staring at her lips and the eyes that can make me lose myself, I know that what I need is to make love to her. Regardless of the consequences or what happens next.

I step in to her, forcing her back against the bedroom door. I stare into her deep brown eyes as I take hold of her face and trace her features with my thumbs. Her closed eyelids, the outline of her nose, the shape of her lips.

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