Page 75 of Friends with Benefits

Closing my eyes, I raise my head to the sky and let the weather cover my face, asking the sky, or the people up there, to help me out here.

‘You found me.’

Her voice fills my ears, my chest, and warms my chilled bones. I open my eyes and see she really is there, standing in front of me, her hair wet, the collar of her leather jacket pulled up, her jeans soaked through. She couldn’t look more mesmerizing.

She moves closer to me and I turn from the water to face her.

‘I knew you wouldn’t leave the city without coming here.’

‘I could have already been. I could have come tomorrow. What were you going to do, sleep out here?’

Her eyes are full, her brown irises bold yet fearful.

‘If that’s what it took, yes.’

She holds her next blink for seconds. ‘You’re certifiably nuts.’

I take the opportunity to step closer to her, so close I can almost feel her heart pounding in her chest. Close enough I can smell her, the way her perfume blends with something that’s just her. The smell of home.

‘If I’m crazy, Jess, it’s over you.’

She opens her eyes and looks into mine. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I came to set you straight on a few things.’

‘Is that right?’

‘That’s right. First, I have no feelings for Emily beyond the platonic.’

She nods and her words are a croak. ‘I know.’

‘Then you know I’m here because there’s only one girl for me. I’ve known since that girl walked into my apartment and decided, for some unknown reason, that she would stay there longer than she’d stayed anywhere in fifteen years. I’ve known since that girl got to know me better than I know myself. Since she made me smile wider than I’d smiled before. Since she made me laugh harder than I’d ever laughed. Since she made my heart beat faster than it had ever beaten before her.’

‘Jake, I can’t do this.’

I take hold of her face. ‘If you really can’t do this, I’ll be your friend, Jess. I’ll hate that it’s all you’ll give me but I’ll do it. I’ll take what you offer because I need you in my life. But tell me honestly… that you don’t love me.’

Tears run down her face and mix with the rain that falls around us. ‘Jake, I’m not like you. I have nothing to offer. You have family and friends. I can’t give you any of those things. And this city, this is your home. The people you love live here. I live in London, at least for now.’

I shake her gently, willing her to clear her mind. ‘I have friends and family, Jess. And they love you. I don’t need you to come with a side of other people. You are all I need. You are more than enough.’

Her silent tears turn to sobs and she places her hands over where mine are on her cheeks as she shakes her head.

‘It’s not real. This doesn’t exist for me, Jake.’

I understand her words. I’ve heard something similar before.

‘You’ve told me your theories of karma, Jess. You think love is out of reach? You think the way I love you, and the way I think you love me is something you can’t achieve?’ I take her hands and place them over my heart. ‘Feel this. This is real, Jess. You feel my heart beating? It’s beating for you.’

‘I want…’ She breaks, sobbing uncontrollably, crippled by fear.

‘You want what, Jess? Talk to me.’

‘I ran because I do feel it. I’ve fought it for as long as I can but I love you, Jake. I love you so much, it is tearing me apart.’

My arms ache to pull her into my chest. To soothe her and tell her to let this drop. But I don’t.

‘It’s time to face your fears,’ I tell her. ‘Talk to me.’

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