Page 76 of Friends with Benefits

Her voice breaks as she forces out the words. ‘I love you so much. I love you the way my mom loved my dad. And if I let you in, we’ll break. Something will happen. We’ll break each other. One of us would do something, or get sick. And I…’ Her words are like a fist around my heart, squeezing so tight, it could burst. ‘I couldn’t live without you, Jake.’

She covers her face with her hands and I finally pull her into my chest, holding her as her body crumples against me.

I wish I could take away all her years of hurt and pain. I wish I could be her strength and take away her fears. My eyes sting as I hold her, and the sky rains down on her, like it has rained down all her life. I want to be the person who stops the rain and replaces it with the light of the sun.

‘Dive with me, Jess. Take my hand and dive in. We’ll face everything together. I promise you that.’

She pulls out of my hold. ‘We can’t. Don’t you see that? You could get sick or leave, or I could die and then we can’t face things together.’

‘Do you think I’m not afraid? Of course I am. I’ve never felt anything like this before. I’ve never felt anything this powerful. When we make love, it’s like I exist in some other place, something bigger than the bed we’re in, or the room, or this earth. I feel like we’re bigger than the fucking universe, and that terrifies me. I can’t stand here and tell you that one or both of us won’t get sick. I can’t promise you that we’ll die holding hands in our bed together when we’re eighty-five. I wish I could promise you that.’

I move to her and wipe my thumbs across the tears beneath her eyes.

‘Marry me.’

She snaps her head back and her tears stop, as do her breaths, and her body’s movements.

‘What?’

‘You heard me. You want something to hold on to? Take my heart. Take my ring. And every time you look at it you can think of this… I can’t make you a promise to be by your side in this form forever. But I can vow that no matter what happens, in sickness and in health, I will forever be by your side, in this life, and the next. And, if one day, many years from now, we are up there somewhere, I will shake your father’s hand, and I will kiss your mom on the cheek, and I will tell them a thousand times, “Thank you for giving me your daughter.” And I’ll do it all with you tucked under my arm.’

She sucks in a breath that brings her tears back.

I rub them away as I tell her, ‘Marry me. Take my ring and every time you feel afraid, hold it, and know that you hold my heart. Let me be your roots, Jess. Let me be your forever home.’

She closes her eyes and for long seconds, I feel my heart stop. There’s no coming back. There can be no friendship now. I put myself out there and I can’t take it back. I don’t want to.

She mumbles something, her eyes still closed, her tears still falling.

‘What did you say?’

She opens her eyes, wide, fearful eyes, and she says, ‘Yes.’

‘Yes?’

‘I can’t promise I won’t want to run. Sometimes, I might need you to stop me. I might need you to drive to Central Park and stand in the rain and tell me that all we have is hope and faith.’ She lets out a short laugh that warms my whole being. ‘But there’s no one else in the world I want to be afraid with.’

I pull her to me and press my lips to hers, dragging my fingers through her wet hair, desperate to get more of her. I hook her legs around my waist and turn us in circles as she kisses me in a way that tells me she meant those three letters.

I’m getting married. Married. Me.

I couldn’t be happier.

She moves her lips from mine and looks up to the sky. ‘It stopped raining.’

I smile as beams of light break through the clouds. I know, wherever they are, Jess’s parents are dropping in on us.

‘God, I love you, Jess.’

She laughs against my mouth. ‘Jake Harrington, you are a crazy, crazy kind of incredible.’

‘Well, since I’m feeling kind of crazy, how does a trip to Tiffany’s sound?’

‘Are you sure? I mean, the proposal is a nice gesture and all but are you sure it wasn’t just you being swept up in the moment? I mean, you can be a little dramatic.’

‘Are you giving me grief? Seriously? After that? I swept you off your feet, Jessica Walters. That shit was like something out of the movies.’

‘No, I know, it was great. I’m just saying, if you want to take it back, better sooner rather than later. Rings aren’t cheap.’

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