Page 116 of Storms of Allegiance

He stepped outside, coming closer, reaching for me. I stumbled backward, shaking my head.

“I’m sorry, Nik, I can’t. Don’t…” I shook my head, wishing I could turn off my emotions and feel nothing at all, if only for a moment.

But I couldn’t afford to be weak in a moment that called for strength. I forced myself to plant my feet and stand strong, to meet his eyes without flinching.

The truth hurt—unbearably badly—but I could see everything clearly now. I had wondered if the spark between us would lift us up or burn us both to the ground, and now I had my answer.

I couldn’t turn my face from it, though. I had too many witnesses filling my head, echoes of too many past Idas showing me the way.

Serena, telling me she would return to her old master, despite how she was now viewed in Tarin, so she could finish her apprenticeship and rejoin society.

The courage in the eyes of the couple who said they were selling their farm and leaving their whole life behind to give their injured daughter hope of a future.

The people of Eldrida, laboring through the violent storm to save their neighbors, and then coming out the next day to face the destruction and begin rebuilding.

“You’re wrong about love, Nik,” I whispered. My voice was quiet, but I knew he heard because I saw the words land, like blows across his face. “This isn’t love. I know that you would burn everything and anything for my sake. But that isn’t what I want. Love doesn’t want to burn the world down. Love is willing to kneel in the ashes and build the world back up.”

“Delphine,” he tried again, but he couldn’t seem to form a full thought.

I wanted to weaken, to run to him. But people were counting on me, and I couldn’t give in to an impulse that was so clearly destructive.

“That’s what I’m going to do here, for these people, as best I can,” I said. “So if you can’t help, stay out of my way, Nik. We’re over.”

I had to turn away from the look on his face, still afraid of myself and the love I couldn’t help but feel despite everything. But my eyes landed on Ida who had stopped to pick up Ember and was now walking slowly toward me. And at the same time, a weight landed on my shoulder as Phoenix swooped in to land.

Slowly courage began to fill me. I might not have the strength for the task ahead, but I wasn’t alone. Together we would find a way to do what felt impossible alone. Together we would free these people from the lies and find a way back to the mainland before Grey wreaked more destruction there.

I would see Amara again, and this time, when I did, I wouldn’t have to be ashamed of my actions.

My heart thumped painfully, and I pressed a hand to it. Later there would be pain enough for all my past mistakes, but right now I couldn’t give in to it. Right now, I had to think of the future.

I nodded at Ida and took Ember from her outstretched arms.

“Prepare yourself,” I said. “It’s going to be a long night.”

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