Page 30 of Heir Of Sun And Moon
“You too,” I whisper through a constricting feeling in my throat. Shaking my head, I close the door and head back upstairs to bed. Bella watches as I climb in, covering myself with the comforter and laying the item—which I’m now sure is a book—down in front of me. I carefully unwrap it and hold it up to get a better look. The silver foil of the title shines in the combined glow of moonlight and flame.
“The Starry Night Of The Forest,” I read out loud.
A small kernel of excitement, something no bigger than a seed, flares in the anguish inside me. For the first time since Alexi’s death, I don’t feel all-consuming despair, guilt, sadness, regret, or anger—though each of those emotions lingers in the background. No, that little kernel shines like a single star in a dark night sky as I turn to the first page of the book and start reading.
The tower is pitch black as I stumble my way through it, trying desperately to find a candle to light. The ominous beat of my heart picks up speed, and I feel as though it’s composing the symphony of my demise with each step.
I call out for Bella, my arms blindly reaching out in front of me. There is such an absence of light that the darkness feels thick and inky. Suffocating. An evil laugh sounds behind me, the hair on the back of my neck rising in response. I know that voice, its cadence sending terror down my spine and through my body like an icy flood. I freeze, fear cementing my feet to the wood floor.
“Rhea, do you remember what you did?” His oily voice surrounds me from all sides, and my chest rises and falls rapidly as I desperately gasp for air. “He died because of you,” he murmurs, closer this time. “You could have saved him. He wanted you to save him.”
“No,” I whisper, shaking my head as bile fights to crawl up my throat. “He sacrificed himself for me. He wanted to keep me safe.”
His laugh is a sound so harsh and horrific that I fall to my knees in terror, hunching over myself.
“Why would he want to die for you, Rhea? Who are you to think that your life is worth more than his?” His voice fades away to nothing more than a disquieting whisper on the wind, his presence vanishing along with it. My body shakes, chest heaving, as the sobs I’ve tried to hold in start to shred me apart from the inside out.
“Little One.” A more gentle voice calls out to me. I lift my head, twisting side to side trying to find Alexi. I want to see that he is happy and whole and safe with his wife. A familiar hand squeezes my shoulder in comfort, new tears forming in my eyes. I go to place my hand on top of his, but then I shriek in pain. His grip is now squeezing so tightly that I wonder if his fingers will pierce through me, like the sword did his chest. “You let me die. You let me die!” he howls over and over, the chant embedding into my very soul as the pain of the truth lashes into me. My hands cover my ears as I scream and scream and scream—
My eyes fly open, my screams still ringing in the air from my nightmare. Bella nuzzles into me, forcing me to wake up further, as my hands dive into her soft fur to help settle me back into reality. I fling the comforter off of me, sweat soaking through my nightdress and still beading down my neck. Fresh tears threaten to fall, but I force them to stop. Those boxes of emotions sitting locked away in my mind rattle, like they are about to break open, but I imagine they are frozen shut and unable to. The rattling stops. My hands curl under my head as I turn to my side, my back to the window and the night sky beyond.
You let me die.
“I know,” I answer out loud.
The layer of ice around my heart thickens.
My head is throbbing by the time the sun rises, sleep having eluded me for the rest of the night. Laying on my back, I stare at the ceiling of the tower, the same chant from the nightmare playing in my head.
You let me die.
Emotions I’m trying to deny burn in my throat, their weight bearing down on my chest. My eyes close, and I squeeze my hands into fists.
No more crying.
I imagine another box as I grip onto those feelings that threaten to break free, violently shoving them into it over and over and over again until there is nothing left. That comforting feeling of nothingness coats my mind, now blissfully quiet. My fingers and toes tingle faintly, a frozen vibration that feels like my magic but… not.
With a deep breath, my eyes finally open. Bella’s ears perk up, her head lifting from where she lays next to me. I watch as her gaze goes to the door, her eyes narrowing. Panic floods me as I sit up and crawl to the edge of the bed, looking down into the living area.
I hear a slight scraping noise and then, from the crack where the door meets the frame, a small white piece of paper appears. It’s pushed through until it flutters to the floor. I look over to Bella, watching as her posture relaxes. Turning back to the door, I stare at the piece of paper on the ground. Intrigue and confusion make me feel like I should move forward but also stay put. Eventually, my curiosity wins and has me getting out of bed and venturing down the stairs. The early morning sunlight barely spills into the room from the balcony and windows, giving just enough light to see by. The white paper is folded twice, the handwriting on it uniform and neat.
MY LADY,
I WAS WALKING THE GARDENS THIS MORNING, AND THIS FLOWER REMINDED ME OF YOUR EYES. I SET IT OUTSIDE THE DOOR.
SINCERELY,
THE “DROP-OFF” GUARD
My lips quirk at his sign-off as I blindly reach for the door. Opening it slowly, I peer out onto the landing before drawing my gaze down to the flower laying on the ground. The delicate petals are a rich green, large and heart-shaped, and they attach to a dark green center with flecks of golden yellow. Bringing it to my nose, I inhale its fragrance, the scent light and fresh. It’s beautiful and I… I don’t know how to feel about it.
The ice inside of me shifts somewhat as I stare at the gift from the guard. Twirling the stem in my hand, I watch the flower spin, noting how this is the first one I’ve ever gotten that’s not from Alexi. It’s the first one since he— The thought dies in my head as I turn towards the stairs and take them back up to the loft. Laying the flower down on my vanity I climb back into bed, hoping sleep comes soon.
My legs curl to the side as I sit on the window bench in the library and watch the rain drip down the glass. Stormy wind blows the trees, the leaves rattling as they move against each other on the current. There is no sunshine today, as the sun hides behind thick dark gray clouds. What is outside of the tower finally reflects what I see inside it every day.
Bella lays at my feet, and I tuck them underneath her for warmth. I watch a raindrop roll down the glass, reminding me of a similar day when I was around eleven.
It was a supply drop-off day, and I sat in this very spot, watching a storm pass through. The clouds were so dark that it looked like the middle of the night despite it being sometime in the afternoon. The wind howled, shaking the windows and balcony doors. I wasn’t sure if Alexi would come with the weather being so bad.
