Page 11 of Devoured

I could tell she wasn’t eating. Her cheeks looked hollow. And the dark circles under her eyes meant she wasn’t sleeping either. But she was still gorgeous. Her wavy red hair made her rosy cheeks look rosier. Her full lips were still begging to be kissed. I wanted them wrapped around my cock and my fingers buried in her hair.Stop.

Did she lie awake at night thinking of the same things I did? Of my body pressed against hers? Before repeating some fucked up mantra?

Definitely not the last part. That was a special kind of torment just for me.

I’m sick. I’m twisted. I’m fucked up in the head. I deserve to be alone.

I’d worn one of my sweaters that I knew she liked. Actually, it was identical to the one I’d given her. I wasn’t trying to play a game with her head. I just…wanted to see if she noticed. I wanted some kind of realization in her eyes.

Had she even kept that sweater?

Did she still think of me too?

I glanced at her once more before turning to the board. She was sitting with that prick Tyler Stevens. He was leaning over discussing something with her. The chalk almost broke in my hand as I started writing on the board. And I realized all I’d drawn was a straight vertical line. I couldn’t even write a word I was so distracted. Just the letter “I” staring back at me. Where the fuck was I going with this? I kept staring at it. The more I stared the less it even looked like an “I.” My hand was too shaky.

I’d come here for a fresh start, but I wasn’t fooling anyone. Once a monster, always a monster.

How long have I been staring at the chalkboard?

I heard a shuffling of feet and glanced over my shoulder.

Penny was walking out of the classroom with Tyler. Ditching my class with another guy? Right in front of me? I turned back to the board.

It’s what I wanted, right? For her to move on? To be happy with someone else?

But not Tyler Stevens.Fuck that guy.

Chapter 4

Thursday

Today was Penny’s birthday. She was 20 years old. She wasn’t a teenager anymore.

Sick fuck.

I raked my fingers through my hair.

I’d had a whole thing planned.

It was stupid.

All of this was so fucking stupid.

Penny looked physically ill in class this week. I could tell she wasn’t eating or sleeping. How was her current behavior better than when we were together? Yes, I was a piece of shit. But maybe I at least made her happy. Healthy.Maybe.Fuck, I didn’t know.

I climbed into my car and started the engine.

Usually it was a little easier to not obsess over Penny on the days I didn’t see her in class. But today was a different kind of hell. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. And how I should be beside her on her birthday. I couldn’t really explain it. It was like I could feel that she needed me. I pulled out my phone for the hundredth time and stared at it, trying to think of something to say.

But no matter what I typed…it would always end in the same way. I’d played the situation in my head over and over again. I’d tell her I loved her. And then I’d have to confess that I slept with Isabella while we were on a break. And then Penny would punch me square in the nose and walk away from me.

I tossed my phone onto the passenger’s seat and put the car in reverse.

I was probably going to regret this. But Ellen had been bugging me nonstop when I decided to lie in bed all day on Sunday instead of going to therapy. She threatened to leave a couple times this week if I didn’t go see Dr. Clark. I didn’t believe her. But maybe talking all this out with Dr. Clark would help.

Wishful thinking.

As I drove down Main Street, I wondered if Penny was opening presents right now. Surrounded by her friends. People her own age. I knew she was having a party on Friday night. A joint birthday with her and Melissa. It was Halloween themed. I could easily blend in…

---