Page 115 of Devoured

Why the hell did people keep asking me that? I was starting to regret not telling every media outlet about my ex-wife’s love of infidelity.Breathe.In this one instance, I actually wasn’t the monster. She was. “What I do is none of her business. You saw the signed papers.”

“But you started sleeping with your student before the divorce was finalized. You know how that looks.”

“I really don’t care how it looks. I just want to keep my job. Look at the papers and call me back.”

“James, I’ll be honest with you. Regardless of whatever it does or doesn’t say in the code of ethics…this isn’t going to end well. I think you need to be prepared to walk away from whoever this girl is.”

“I’m not doing that.”

“Then you’re probably going to need to walk away from your job.”

“I called you so that I wouldn’t have to walk away from anything. Find a loophole. Figure something out.”

“Give me a few hours,” he said. “But my best recommendation is to not tell the dean anything. At least until the end of the semester.”

I thought about Isabella. And how angry she’d been. There was no way she wouldn’t leak this to the press before the end of the semester. She’d want to beat me to it and save face.

But it wasn’t just about her threats. I knew the consequences of loving someone in secret. Back in high school, Matt had done that. And that was a series of events that no one would have seen coming. But an innocent girl had died.

I wouldn’t love Penny in secret. I’d love her out loud. Besides, if there was one thing I’d actually learned in therapy, it was that the truth was always better. I’d finally told Penny that I was an addict. And I’d never felt closer to her. I wasn’t going to take one step forward and then two more back.

“No,” I said. “I’m telling the dean tomorrow. Just find something to give me my best chance of keeping my job.”

“Give me a few hours,” he said. “But I’m not a genie.” He hung up the phone.

I stood up and walked over toward my windows overlooking Main Street. I loved my work here. And I loved Penny.

But I think I always knew in the back of my head that I’d have to make a choice here. Teaching was my fresh start. I’d poured everything I had into it. I had a good routine here. Structure. I was worried what would happen if I lost that.

My phone buzzed. I looked down to see a text from Ellen. It was like she knew I was struggling.

“I’m coming in tomorrow. I did not leave you enough meals for this long and I’m concerned that you’re starving.”

I laughed. Well, I wasn’t starving. But I appreciated her concern. “See you tomorrow, Ellen,” I texted back.

I knew who I actually needed to talk to. I pressed on Dr. Clark’s name and pulled my phone to my ear.

He answered after a few rings. “James? Is everything alright?”

“I…I don’t really know.” It felt like someone was closing their fist around my heart.

“I’ve been looking forward to our next session. To see if you went through with everything. You said you were done torturing yourself for your past mistakes. You acknowledged that you’re allowed to be happy. So what happened?”

“I told Penny the truth.”

“Ah. You showed her the real you. And?”

“She didn’t run away screaming.” The pain in my chest eased slightly and I smiled. She hadn’t run away. Instead she was lying naked in my bed.

“That’s good. So why the late-night call then?”

Main Street was quiet down below. A sound I never heard on the streets of New York. I couldn’t hear honking cars or sirens. Just…silence.

“I don’t want to keep my relationship with Penny a secret anymore. I’m going to tell the dean tomorrow morning. I think.”

“You think?”

I turned away from the window and sat back down at my desk. “I called my lawyer asking for advice, and he thinks it would be better if I waited to disclose my relationship with Penny until the end of the semester.”

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