Page 117 of Devoured

I shook my head. “This isn’t all about me. Yes, I’m worried about quitting. But this is about Penny too.”

“Well let’s talk about that for a moment. What would you getting fired do to her? Or maybe you don’t get fired, but you still come clean to the dean? How does that affect her?”

I pictured Penny in class. How shy and nervous she was during presentations. “Well, first of all, I wouldn’t be her professor anymore.” Which really fucking sucked. “Under either circumstance, really. She’d have to take the class over.”

“I’m sure she’s not looking forward to that.”

“No. She definitely won’t be.”

“What else?” Dr. Clark asked.

“There will be rumors. Things can so easily be twisted.”

“What kind of rumors do you think will spread?”

I shook my head. “Better grades for sexual favors. That kind of thing.”

“That certainly wouldn’t make her feel good,” he said.

“I’m sorry, what is the point of this exercise?” I asked. “I know none of this is good.”

“Well, say the worst happens. You get fired and Penny gets expelled.”

“I won’t let her get expelled for this.”

“James, her fate isn’t in your hands. Let me say it again. Say the worst happens. What then?”

“I’d help her get accepted into another university. We’d move. Maybe we’d go to New York.” Penny claimed she didn’t love the city. But she definitely had a good time there with me. And I meant what I said…I did want to repair my friendships. I knew things were especially tense between me and Matt. But he needed me. And I was finally in a place where I could help him.

“So she’d have to leave all her friends behind? Retake all her classes? And is her family in Delaware? You expect her to move away from everything she knows and loves?”

Well, fuck.“She loves me.”

“James, I want you to close your eyes for second.”

“Why? I don’t need to mediate right now, I just need to calm down enough to figure out what the best course of action is.”

“Close your eyes.”

I laughed. “Fine, Doc.” I closed my eyes.

“Take a deep breath for me.”

“Are you going to try to hypnotize me or something? Because I really don’t think…”

“James, breathe.”

I took a deep breath.

“I want you to put yourself in Penny’s shoes. Do you remember when you were a sophomore in college? A million years ago?”

“Not funny.”

“A little funny,” Dr. Clark said.

I shook my head.

“Picture yourself back in college. Surrounded by all your friends. Picture one of your best memories.”

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