Page 119 of Devoured

“I swear to God, Rob, I will kick your ass.”

“I knew you missed me,” Rob said.

Mason laughed. “I did not. But just so all of you know, I’m not getting shitfaced tonight. I have a game tomorrow, and unlike some people in this room, that matters to me.”

Matt groaned. “I was only drunk for a few games. Besides, we suck this year. Our quarterback is trash. He makes you look like Eli Manning.”

“I’ll take the compliment,” Mason said. “But three games, man? Come on. If you keep that up there won’t be a spot for you here.”

“In this all-boys dorm,” Rob said. “Oh, the horror.”

Matt laughed.

“No,” Mason said. “On the Harvard football team.”

Rob shrugged. “So do you guys all shower together too? Because I stopped by the bathroom and I only saw one big community shower. And there was a tub. What the hell is up with that?”

“Yeah, what kind of pervert would want to take a bath every night?” Matt asked.

“You don’t have to take a bath,” Mason said. “But it’s there if you want it.”

Matt frowned. “But who would want that?”

“It’s actually great for sports recovery to sit in cold water for a few minutes,” Mason said.

Rob shook his head. “I don’t think that sounds right. But forget the weird bath for a second, you didn’t answer my question. Is there really only one bathroom for all of you?”

Mason shrugged. “There’s one on each floor. But yeah. Why are you guys making this so weird? They’re just like locker rooms.”

“With a bath though,” Matt said with a laugh.

Rob laughed too. “Don’t tell me…there’s a daily dick measuring contest in the showers.”

“If there was, you’d lose,” Mason said.

Rob laughed. “No, you would. Big boy, small dick. Facts.”

“I’m going to kill him,” Mason said and turned to me. “I’m finally going to do it.”

“Bring it on,” said Rob.

“Give Mason a break,” I said. “He’s having a really hard time because the coach believes in celibacy during the season or something. He’s on edge.”

Rob opened his mouth and then closed it again. He glanced at Matt and then back at Mason. “Wait. So let me get this straight. You’re not having sex. You’re not drinking or doing drugs. And you have a small penis? It sounds like college sucks.”

Matt laughed. “We need to remind our brothers how to have a good time.” He rubbed his hands together. “Don’t worry, we’ve got tonight covered.”

“Um…” I looked at Mason and then back at our younger brothers. “No,wehave it covered. We’re showing you two the ropes tonight. And I’m not on the team. So unlike Mason, I still know how to have a good time.”

“All. Boys. Dorm,” Rob said. “No, you do not know how to have a good time. Luckily for the two of you, Matt and I are here.” He pulled a bottle of tequila out of his duffel bag. “Now can you please direct us back to campus from this isolated creeper den?”

***

“Why are we doing this again?” Mason asked me as we followed Rob and Matt wherever they’d deemed appropriate after spending literally five minutes on campus.

“Because our party doesn’t start for another hour,” I said. “And it’s going to be hilarious to see their faces once we show them up.”

“True.” Mason sighed. “But this fucking sucks.”

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