Page 123 of Devoured

“It sounds like you all had a fun time in college,” Dr. Clark said, pulling me out of my story.

“Yeah.” I smiled. “It was a good time. But that wasn’t even the best part about that night. I was about to get there.”

“Alright, but before you tell me about the rest of the night…do you ever think about changing anything?”

I stared at him. “About that night? Or more existentially?”

“Both.”

I pressed my lips together. “I would have changed a lot of things about my life. But I’m happy about where I am now.”

“So everything worked out the way it was meant to?”

I slowly nodded. “And who knows what would be different about my life now if I changed anything in my past?”

“That’s a good point. But I need you to visualize something for me before we proceed. I need you to insert someone new into your memory. Just plop them right down into the middle of it.”

I gripped my cell phone a little tighter. I already knew what he was going to tell me.

“Say you met someone just like Penny before your friends visited from out of town. Someone who you loved. Someone perfect for you. A fellow student at Harvard. Would you have given up the partying? Given up those memories with friends? Dropped out of Harvard and moved away?”

I swallowed hard. “I…” My voice trailed off. “Yes.”

“You hesitated.”

“Well, that situation doesn’t make sense. Why would we need to drop out and move if she’s a student with me at Harvard?”

Dr. Clark laughed. “Fine. Then she’s your professor and she’s about to be fired.”

“I’ve never really had a thing for older women. Mason on the other hand…”

“James, I’m just asking you to visualize it. I want you to put yourself in Penny’s shoes here. To see how she’s feeling about the situation you’re currently in together.”

“Penny doesn’t go out partying with friends every night. I think she prefers just hanging out with me.”

“You’re not answering my question,” he said.

I shook my head. “Sorry, what was the question?”

“If you’dhadto drop out of college and move away because you fell in love. Forget the why. It just is. Would you have done it? Even if it meant you would have missed out on all those memories with your friends?”

“A lot of college is blurry for me anyway. So yes.”

Dr. Clark sighed. “But it’s not blurry for Penny if she doesn’t party as much as you did.”

I mean…she parties a little.Or else she wouldn’t be recovering from a concussion. “If I’d fallen in love with Penny back then, she would have been a good influence on me. Just like I’m being a good influence on her.” I knew that was strange to say, given my history. But Penny hadn’t been herself when we were on a break. Neither had I.

“But college students aren’t really seeking good influences. They’re supposed to be out there living their best lives. Having new experiences.”

I looked back out the window at Main Street. I knew what Dr. Clark was saying. I did. “You think telling the dean is a mistake?”

“I didn’t say that. I think honesty is always the best policy. I’m just trying to get you to see this from Penny’s point-of-view. James, you’re in a very different stage of your life than she is.”

I swallowed hard. “We’re on the same page now.”

“And what page is that?”

“She’s my forever.”

---