Page 126 of Devoured

“How in the hell?” Rob asked.

“Bow to me, peasants!” Mason yelled and spread out his arms.

“I need a picture of this.” Matt pulled out his cell phone and snapped a photo.

“I’m king of Harvard now!”

“I don’t think John Harvard was the king of the university,” Rob said.

“Bow. To. Me!” Mason lifted his arms again as he tried to stand up on the statue.

“Dude, don’t…” Matt started.

But it was way too late. Mason immediately fell forward on the slippery ass statue and crashed down onto us. All four of us somehow wound up on the sidewalk groaning.

“Fuck,” Mason said. He put his hand on my upper thigh as he tried to stand up.

I shoved him off of me. “Watch the package, man.”

Mason laughed. “Oh my God. I know what we need to do. I need a package so bad.”

Rob, Matt, and I all stared at each other.

“Good, sir,” Rob said in a Scottish accent that wasn’t nearly as good as mine. “Pray tell. What the fuck do you want to do with another man’s junk?”

“What?” Mason said.

“You just said you need a package so bad.”

“Yeah I did.” He put out his hand to help Matt up.

Matt did not take his hand. “You can’t have mine.”

“What are you idiots talking about?” Mason asked.

I stood up and brushed off the back of my jeans. “Mason, you touched my upper thigh and then said you need a package so bad.”

Mason laughed. “Wow. No. I don’t want your package. Hunter dicks,” he said with a laugh. “Tiny baby penises.”

Matt started laughing.

“Projecting,” Rob coughed into his arm.

“I need it!” Mason yelled.

“Is he asking one of us to molly whop him or something? Because nose goes.” Rob touched his nose.

Matt and I both touched our noses too.

“You lost!” Matt yelled and pointed at me. “Molly whop Mason so he shuts up.”

“I’m not molly whopping anyone with facial hair.”

“So if he was smooth shaven you’d do it?”

“You know what I meant, Matt!”

Mason started laughing harder. “No. I don’t want that.”

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