Page 13 of Devoured

I’d just waited three fucking hours for him in the waiting room.

He closed his notebook and looked like he was going to stand up.

“Wait,” I said. “I…” I didn’t know what I wanted to say. “You have my undivided attention.”

Dr. Clark sighed. “We’ve been over this, James. It’s not about you giving me your undivided attention. It’s about you wanting to be here. You wanting to make progress. You showing up for yourself.”

“I just waited three hours to speak with you.”

“No, you slept for three hours because you’re sleep deprived. And I want to discuss why that is.”

“I don’t want to talk about my sleeping habits.”

“Then what would you like to discuss with me? Because I was under the impression that you fired me.”

“I didn’t fire you.” Not exactly in those words, anyway.

He opened his notebook back up again. “And I quote: You can cancel the rest of my appointments on your calendar. I won’t be returning.”

“Well, I barely remember saying that.” It had been in the heat of the moment, of course I hadn’t really meant it.

“Because you’d been drinking. Heavily I presume. Returning to old vices. Why do you think that is?”

Dr. Clark always did some kind of voodoo magic to make me talk about whatever he wanted to talk about. But it wasn’t working today. I’d come here for only one reason. “I don’t think Penny has been eating. Or sleeping. So I think that maybe not being with me is bad for her. Worse than actually being with me.”

He jotted down a few notes. “Are you asking me? Or telling me?”

“I’m…telling you. I think maybe she’s better off with me.”

“Better off how exactly?”

Was it just me, or was Dr. Clark being extra saucy with me today? “Well…she was eating when we were dating. And I think we both slept better when we shared a bed.”

“Is that why you haven’t been sleeping? Because you don’t like to be alone at night?”

He was acting like I was scared of the dark or something. “I’m here to talk about Penny.”

“And I’m here to talk about you,” Dr. Clark said. “James,youmade the decision to date one of your students.Youmade the decision to break up with her. This is all aboutyou.”

“I didn’t break up with her. I told her I needed some space to think.”

“So you’ve taken that time to ponder your relationship and you’ve come to the conclusion that she’s better with you than without you. Because when you two dated she ate and slept? Is that correct?”

Seriously, so saucy.“Yes, that’s correct.”

“I don’t think her eating and sleeping habits should be the reason you get back together with her. You should be in a relationship because of the connection you two have. The love that you share.”

“I didn’t say I wanted to get back together with her so she’d eat more.” Although, I would definitely like to eat her. I’d really missed that.

He looked down at his notes. “And I quote - I don’t think Penny has been eating. Or sleeping. So I think that maybe not being with me is bad for her. Worse than actually being with me.”

“That’s just one piece of it.”

“And the other piece? How have you been coping without her?”

He knew that I wasn’t doing well. “I miss her.”

“So why are you telling me that? You should be telling that to her.”

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