Page 15 of Devoured

No, the important question was that my housekeeper was talking to my therapist about me. Didn’t that cross some kind of ethical line?

“James, answer the question.”

This seemed like a good practice run for how the conversation with Penny would go. The way it had to go. “I slept with Isabella.” Just saying the lie out loud made me feel sick to my stomach.God I hope it’s a lie.But it didn’t matter what the truth was if I couldn’t remember it. I’d woken up naked in Isabella’s bed. And I couldn’t explain that. I couldn’t. Isabella’s words echoed around in my head.Rape.Yeah, I was definitely going to be sick.Breathe.

He raised his eyebrows. “You slept with Isabella?”

I stared at the expression on his face. It was about what I expected. “Yup,” I said. I’d had a drink when I shouldn’t have. Yes, Isabella had slipped something into it. But it was a hell of a lot easier coping with this if it was partially my fault. I was used to fucking up every good thing in my life.

“Why?” It was the most normal he’d ever sounded. Like he just genuinely wanted to know. For his own sake. I’d perplexed him.

“I…don’t know. I was depressed.” More lies. I’d been hopeful that night. So hopeful that I could be worthy of Penny. Until it all came crashing down.

Dr. Clark wrote more down in his notebook. “And after you slept with Isabella? Did you feel better?”

“No. I regretted it.” If it had happened…I fucking hated myself for it. But I hoped it wasn’t true. I hoped I wouldn’t do that. I still hoped I hadn’t. At least all my STD tests had come back negative.

“Do you still have feelings for Isabella?”

“No. We’ve been over this…”

“And yet you slept with her?”

I gritted my teeth together.I don’t fucking know!“Yup.”

“It really feels like you’re holding something back here. Do you care to elaborate on your feelings over this matter?”

“No.”Breathe.He wouldn’t believe me. Just like Penny wouldn’t believe me.

“One word responses don’t help either of us, James.”

“It was a mistake. End of story.”

He didn’t shake his head, or nod. He just stared back at me, waiting for me to elaborate.

But I had nothing else to say. So I just stared back at him.

“Well…” Dr. Clark’s voice trailed off. He was finally at a loss for words. “How did it feel to be back in New York after so many months away?”

I pictured the portrait of the Pruitt family hanging in the dining room. “It felt suffocating.”

“How so?”

“Like I was being judged.”

“By whom?”

I ran my fingers along the arm of the chair.

“Your friend who passed away in high school? She was Isabella’s sister, right?”

I seriously never should have told him about her. I don’t know why I’d come here. Dr. Clark was annoying.

He skipped through a few pages of his notebook. “You’ve never mentioned her name to me. Why is that?”

I’d made a pact in high school with my friends. That we’d never speak about her. Being here with Dr. Clark was breaking that promise. But I’d never mentioned her name. Not just because of the promise though. It was hard for me to talk about her. I hadn’t said her name out loud in years. Not since the last time I tried to talk to Matt. Before I was sober.

“What was her name, James?”

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