Page 19 of Devoured

And I didn’t want it. I didn’t want any fucking piece of it. I just wanted her.

I put my face in my hands and leaned forward. I buried my fingers in my hair and just stared at the ground. And stared. And stared.

I hope you have a great life.

How the fuck was I supposed to do that without her in it?

But it wasn’t about me.

None of this was about me.

It was about her. And what was best for her. And I certainly wasn’t it. I was a washed up drunk. I’d fucked a teenager. I’d fucked a student. I was a piece of shit.

I pulled the envelope out of my pocket. I went to rip it in half. But my hands froze again. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even do this one thing.

I tossed the envelope onto the bench and put my face in my hands.

Penny was ready to move on.

And I already knew I was going to fuck it all up for her. I was going to ruin her life. And I knew I didn’t have enough self-control to stop myself from doing it.

I wanted to be a good man for Penny.

But at the same time, I knew that a good man would walk away.

None of that mattered. I couldn’t stop. I didn’t know how to stop. What mattered was that when I wanted something I got it. I worked my ass off for every single thing in my life. And I could put all that energy into getting Penny back.

I swallowed hard. But what if Penny said no? What if she told me to fuck off?

I’d have to walk away for good. I’d have to live the rest of my life in hell.

But sitting here doing nothing was just delaying the inevitable.

Shit.For once, was Dr. Clark actually right? Was I seriously scared of rejection?

That wasn’t me.Fuck no.

It was time I won my girl back.

Chapter 6

Friday

A part of me hoped that I could still talk myself out of it. That the next time I looked at the letter I’d be compelled to tear it in half.

I even canceled my classes today in the hope that by not seeing Penny…I’d resist.

But if that was true, I wouldn’t be standing in this Halloween store looking for a costume for her birthday party tonight. I’d already made up my mind here. Penny was mine.

It hadn’t taken me much research to realize that the party was being thrown at Tyler Stevens’ frat house. If there was one thing I knew…I was at least better than that douche.

I wasn’t a good man.

I was terrible for Penny.

But I couldn’t stay away from her for one more day. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t stand here and be happy for her with someone else. Not when I needed her. I couldn’t watch her get over me with someone new. I just couldn’t do it. She said she hoped I had a great life. So I was going to do that. But I needed her to be a part of it.

I knew I was a monster. But tonight it was okay for me to be a monster. Because it was a Halloween party. I could literally be whoever the fuck I wanted. I picked up a horrifying green mask off the shelf in front of me. Yeah, that seemed fitting. But it smelled like cheap plastic. No aftershave in the world could cover that up. And I wasn’t putting that anywhere near my face.

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