Page 21 of Devoured

“You’re not my mother, Ellen.”

“I’m very aware. Your mother and I couldn’t be more different. Now I’ll ask you again. Are you going to be drinking tonight? Because if you are…I…I…won’t be coming back on Monday.” She started stirring whatever was in the pot again as she stared at me.

Yeah, she was definitely different than my mom. My mom didn’t give a shit about me. And Ellen did. “I’m sorry, Ellen. I’m sorry about all of it. I promise I won’t have a drink tonight.”

She nodded. “I’m holding you to that.”

“I know.”

“I’ll be gone before you get back. I just wanted to stay late and make a few extra meals in case Rob comes this weekend. You still don’t know exactly when he’ll arrive?”

“No, he didn’t say.”

“Well, I for one am excited. He always brings cheer.”

“That he does.” Her subtext was that Ididn’tbring cheer. I knew the past couple weeks had been rough on all of us. And I wanted to be better. For Penny. For Ellen and Ian. I just needed to be better. I stopped as I walked through the kitchen and awkwardly gave Ellen a hug.

At first she seemed surprised, but then she hugged me back.

“These things have a way of working out, James.”

“I know.”

She leaned back and grabbed both sides of my face. “Go get her back.”

I nodded. That was the plan. Penny was mine. There were no ifs ands or buts about it. She was made for me and only me. And I was going to get her back.

***

I pulled my knit hat even lower as I walked up to the frat house.

It was ridiculous to walk into this party surrounded by my students. But I’d come late. They’d all be shitfaced by now. And I certainly wasn’t dressed the same as I was in class.

As I walked through the doors, not a soul even looked at me. It was pretty dark and the music was blaring. I remembered parties like this. Not vividly though. I’d been an even bigger mess in college than I was in high school.

Penny wasn’t on the first floor. And I couldn’t make myself go up to the second story and open up all those doors. If I saw her behind one of them with some prick, I…I’d behave like I used to in high school. I wouldn’t be able to control myself. Once I started punching someone, it was like I had no control.

No control.

That seemed to be an issue in a lot of areas in my life. I hadn’t talked about this specific thing with Dr. Clark yet though. He didn’t know how much I loved getting in fist fights until my knuckles were raw and bloody.

It was a rush. The same kind of high as actually getting high.

I clenched my hands into fists for a second and then released them. I didn’t need a fix. I just needed Penny. I just needed to focus.

I walked past the stairs. No, I definitely wouldn’t be going up there. The last thing I needed was a scene. I took one last look in the kitchen, just in case I’d missed her. But she was nowhere in sight. And Penny wasn’t exactly easy to miss. Her red hair was always easy to spot in a crowd. I walked back toward the stairs and looked up.

She wouldn’t be up there.

She wouldn’t have done that.

We were just on a break.

Hypocrite.

I rubbed my temple. I hadn’t slept with Isabella. I know I hadn’t. I…fuck. I wasn’t sure. I put my hand on the railing. If Penny was up there with Tyler, I’d hurt him. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. I just stood there staring up the stairs.Breathe.But it didn’t matter how many times I told myself to breathe. If Penny had slept with that piece of shit, I’d kill him.God, breathe.I gripped the railing so hard that my knuckles started to turn white.

The music blasting from somewhere suddenly stopped.

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