Page 42 of Devoured

Penny closed the distance between us and sat down next to me.

"What is it?" She sounded so excited. But she wouldn’t in a moment.

"I wanted you to get over me." I couldn’t even look at her. I kept my gaze glued to the envelope.

"You already told me that."

"Before you open this I need to tell you something."

"Okay."

"I did something I regret. But I can't take it back."

She didn’t respond.

If I was going to lean into this. I had to make it make sense. I didn’t want her to ask a million questions like Dr. Clark had. I just needed her to accept what happened and we could try to move on. "I thought I needed to get over you. I thought it was best for you."

"And for you?"

"No." I shook my head. “I always knew it wasn't best for me." I finally let my eyes move from the envelope and fall on her. "You said that it didn't look like I was in pain. But I was. I felt numb. My days dragged on. Without you there's nothing for me here. It sounds like I'm trying to make excuses but I'm not. I can own up to my mistakes. I just needed you to know that I was in pain too. I need you to understand the place I was in."

"I don't want to know what you did."

"Penny..."

"Please don't tell me."

"I want you to be honest with me. How can I expect you to be if I'm not honest with you?"

It already looked like she wanted to cry. "Is it going to hurt me?"

I took a deep breath and ran my hand through my hair. "Yes."

She bit her lip. "You kept my clothes in your closet. Why?"

I didn’t mind a second of delaying this. "I felt like if I got rid of them then what we had really would be dead." I honestly hadn’t even considered getting rid of them.

"So this thing that you did didn't make it feel like what we had was over?"

"No. I thought it would, but it didn't." I wanted to cringe at my own words. I hated saying that I’d wanted it. That I wanted any of this.

"I wish you would have talked to me. I wish you would have told me that you thought you weren't good for me. I would have convinced you otherwise."

"You've convinced me otherwise the whole time we were together."

"You still should have talked to me."

I know."I can't take that back either."

She nodded. "I kissed some guy that lives in your apartment."

What the fuck?!"Who?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes." I tried to keep my voice even, but I’m pretty sure it came out icy.I’m such a hypocrite.

"His name is Brendan."

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