Page 44 of Devoured

"Penny, I didn't go to New York with the intention of sleeping with her." I didn’t even want to see her. I never wanted to see her again.

"Okay."

"It just happened."Maybe.

"Okay."

"Please stop saying okay. It's not okay. And I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Penny."

"You don't have to explain it to me. She's your wife."

Her words were like a slap across my face.My wife.I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry. "I needed you to know."

"I need some air."

"Okay. Let's take a walk."

"I want to be alone."

"Penny, you have a concussion..."

"I'm okay. Please. I just need some air."

Maybe it would be better for us to have a few minutes apart. To try to calm down. She wasn’t saying she was leaving for good. She just needed a moment. This wasn’t goodbye. "Take this." I lifted up the envelope.

She shook her head.

I stood up, folded the envelope in half, and slipped it into the pocket of her jacket. I added her phone next to the envelope. Every inch of me wanted to get back on my knees and beg her to stay. But she had the whole story now. She had to make her own choice. "Please be careful."

"I promised you I would be." She gave me one last disheartened glance and then walked over to the elevator.

And my heart started beating funny in my chest. What if one minute to calm down truly did turn into a goodbye? What is she never came back? What if she walked away for good?Breathe.But thinking the words didn’t help. It was like the air wasn’t reaching my chest. When I was little, I used to get panic attacks. But I hadn’t had one since I was a kid. I’d never forget the feeling though, as it wrapped around my chest. "Please stay."

"I can't."

"I'm begging you, please."

"I can't look at you right now." The elevator dinged as the doors slid open. She stepped on.

"Penny." My voice broke as I stood there staring at her.I can’t breathe.

"Professor Hunter."

The doors closed and she was gone.

Breathe.

I needed to go after her.

Breathe.

I took a step forward and then stopped. I needed to give her time.

Breathe.

I just stood there like a fucking idiot, gasping for air. Penny’s cherry perfume was the only scent I wanted to inhale. But she wasn’t here. And I didn’t know what to do.

Breathe.

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