Page 48 of Devoured

I sighed. I liked it better when Dr. Clark just thought Ian was an employee. I stared at the two of them eating pizza. Like this was the most normal thing in the world. An addict, a bodyguard, and a therapist… It sounded like the start of a bad joke.

“How are you feeling, James?” Dr. Clark asked.

“I feel like shit. I always feel like shit.”No thanks to you.

Dr. Clark’s eyes softened. “I see that your wrist is red.”

I looked down at where I’d snapped a rubber band so many times that it broke and made my skin raw. I folded my arms across my chest.

“Having a hard time staying present again?”

Yes.Because my present was a dumpster fire. I’d just had a panic attack for the first time in years, and my bodyguard had to piece me back together. I glanced at Ian. He looked…so worried. About me.

I took a deep breath. I’d just been on the floor, desperate for someone to help me. Ian had done the right thing by calling Dr. Clark. No, I didn’t love him in my home. This was definitely an invasion of privacy. But I needed him here.

“I had a panic attack,” I said. I sat down in one of the stools and slid Penny’s barely eaten waffles to the side. I took a bite of pizza. If they were going to act like this was normal, so was I.

“You’ve never mentioned those before,” Dr. Clark said.

“I haven’t gotten them since I was a kid.” I’m sure I would have while I was living with Isabella, but I’d been too high to realize that my life was shit.

“So why did you get one today?”

“I told Penny that I slept with Isabella. And then she left.”

“Did she break up with you?”

I shook my head. “She said she needed some air. And that she couldn’t even look at me.” Which was fitting. Most days I couldn’t bear to look at myself either.

“And how does that make you feel?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I think it’ll be fine. She slept with someone else while we were on a break too.” And kissed someone else. “So we’re even.”

“Even? This isn’t a game, James. Relationships aren’t about getting even.”

“And they’re not even,” Ian said. “Because of that thing that James wants to talk to you about.”

“Are you ready to talk about that?” Dr. Clark asked.

I sighed. “There’s nothing to talk about.” I never should have even told Ian about this. It was a moment of weakness. All of it.

“James, not telling me what’s hurting you isn’t helping anyone.”

“No one hurt me.”

Dr. Clark lowered his eyebrows. “That’s not what I said. But your black eye begs to differ.”

“This isn’t about that.”

“Then it is about something,” he said.

For Christ’s sake.“Ian thinks Isabella raped me.” The words settled around me. And I felt like I was back in Isabella’s room. My stomach churned.

“Are you talking about when you slept with her last weekend?”

“He doesn’t remember what happened,” Ian said. “He woke up naked in her bed. But Isabella drugged him. She said they had sex, but he doesn’t remember.”

“Is that true, James?” Dr. Clark asked. “Why did you tell me that you slept with her willingly?”

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