Page 50 of Devoured

It felt like there was a knife in my chest again, slowly twisting. Ian couldn’t be here for this. I’d already betrayed my friends’ trust by talking to Dr. Clark about her. “Ian, we need a moment.”

Ian nodded. “You got it, boss.”

So now he was listening to me?

He tossed us each another slice of pizza, grabbed the box, and left the two of us alone.

“This isn’t about Lyn,” I said.

“I think maybe it has more to do with her than you realize. I’ll ask you again, do you blame yourself for her death?”

There was a lump in my throat that wouldn’t go away. “Partially. Yes.” My mind was numb. I wouldn’t let myself picture that day.

“You never told me how she died.”

I shook my head. “I can’t.”

“But you think it was partially your fault?”

Probably more than partially. Rob, Mason, Matt. Isabella. Her father. We all played a roll. Every single one of us.

“I think that maybe you’re projecting,” Dr. Clark said. “You couldn’t save Lyn, so you want to save Penny.”

“I never thought that Lyn needed me. Not in that way.”

“Okay. But you think it was partially your fault that Lyn died. So maybe you’re worried about your role in that. And you don’t want to hurt Penny. You’re worried that if you’re together you might…what?”

Penny’s words swirled around in my head. “I don’t want to ruin her.”

“Ah. The heart of the matter. James, you’ve told me yourself that you’re better when you’re with her. And she’s better when she’s with you. So how are you going to ruin her?”

“She already told me that I did. Before she walked out today. You should have seen her face.”

“Well, she’s upset, just like your upset. You both need to move forward.”

“Or we can just be miserable together.” The words fell out of my mouth. And I instantly remembered saying them before.

“Miserable together? No, James. That’s not what I was saying. I was saying that if the two of you can have an honest discussion and move forward, you can be happy together.”

I barely registered Dr. Clark’s words. Because I was stuck on that line.Let’s be miserable together.I closed my eyes remembering the first time I’d proposed. ToLyn. The fake name still made the knife in my chest twist. I’d proposed to a girl that wasn’t mine, one who’d forever be frozen at 16.Let’s be miserable together.That’s what I’d said to her. And it wasn’t the first time I’d said it to her either. I remembered holding her while she cried in the shower. If I closed my eyes tight enough, it was like I was still there.

I remembered feeling hopeful when I’d proposed. Just like Penny made me feel hopeful. An escape from the life I was currently living.

There was just one key difference. I was in a good place when I’d met Penny. The circumstances were different. And maybe, just maybe, this could work out. I’d reached out to Lyn as a lifeline. But I didn’t need Penny to save me. I just needed…her. Because she made me happy. She made me feel young again. She made me feel…like a better version of myself.

I took a deep breath.

“What are you thinking?” Dr. Clark asked.

“That I’m sick of torturing myself for my past.” That’s exactly what I’d been doing since Lyn’s death. Torturing myself. Because Dr. Clark was right, I felt guilty for what happened to her. I’d always partially blame myself. But I’d already done my penance by marrying Isabella. “I’m allowed to be happy.”

Dr. Clark nodded. “So what now?”

“I’m ready to move forward. With Penny. And not just because she eats and sleeps when she’s with me.”

He smiled. “Show her the real you, James. And be happy.”

I hoped it was that easy. Hell, sometimes the princess did choose the villain.Right?

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