Page 72 of Devoured

"I went to see him to tell him I wanted to be with you."

"After you read my letter?"

"No, before. I want to be with you. That's all that I want. But you're complicated. The situation is complicated. And I don't mean just because you're my professor. It's because you're still married. How can you sit there and talk about a future with me in this situation?"

"Because I know it's over.” Why wouldn’t she believe me? Why wouldn’t she trust my word? “I'll talk to her again."

"No." Penny pulled her feet off my lap and hugged her knees into her chest.

"I'm not going to sleep with her again.” I wasn’t even sure I had in the first place. But I definitely wouldn’t again. Or have anything to drink around her. But Penny didn’t seem to believe any of it. And I had a feeling that Ian was watching us right now. Listening and shaking his head. But I was already too deep into this mess to unwind it. “Penny." I leaned forward and kissed her kneecap. "I'm getting divorced. I've already signed the papers."

"I know."

"So why are you still upset about it?"

"It makes me feel like a bad person. What if she never signs the papers?"

"I'll get her to sign them." I kissed her knee again. "I'm sorry about what happened. Please forgive me."

"I love you,” said Penny. “I love you so much. There's a million reasons why I should give you up. But I can't. I don't want to. And we were broken up. So there isn't anything to forgive."

"Penny, Penny, Penny." I leaned over her and placed a kiss against her lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Tears started to fall from her eyes. She pushed herself up into a seated position. "Stupid concussion." She forced a laugh as she wiped away her tears.

"Hey." I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. It seemed like something else was going on here. We’d already talked about all this shit with Isabella. I’d hoped we’d already moved past it. Was I missing something else here? "What's wrong?"

"If this really is love, then it won't matter if we wait."

Her words felt like a slap across my face. "Wait for what?"

"For your divorce to be final. For me to graduate. For things to be less complicated."

"Is this about Tyler? Or Brendan?"

"No. It has nothing to do with them."

I lowered my eyebrows as I stared down at her. Because it seemed like it had everything to do with them. And I was still itching to bang on everyone’s door in this apartment complex looking for Brendan.

"I thought you didn't want me,” she said. “I was a mess. I was trying to get over you. But I don't want either of them. I felt so empty when you stopped talking to me. I just didn't want to feel empty anymore."

Her words hung in the air for a long time, settling around me. I got that. I did. And it was my fault because I’d wanted her to move on. I’d stayed away. This was on me. And if I wanted her to forgive me for whatever the fuck happened with Isabella, I needed to forgive her too.

"I felt empty too,” I said.

We were silent again as we looked into each other's eyes.

"I choose you,” she finally said. “I just want to wait till it's right."

I looked down at her legs and traced a circle around the inside of her knee. I tried to think of the right words to say. Words that wouldn’t make her angry. Wouldn’t make her cry. And wouldn’t make her push me away again. “Penny, I've spent my whole life doing things I didn't want to. I don't want to wait anymore. You make me happy. To me, that's all that matters."

"Am I not worth waiting for?"

"That's not what I meant. Of course you're worth waiting for." I grabbed her hand and rubbed my thumb against her palm. "But I feel like I've been waiting my whole life already. You're young. I get that." I sighed. "But two years is a long time. I don't want to wait anymore."

"Then we can just wait until your divorce is final. What's the point of being together if we can't fully commit to one another?"

"I am committed to you. I've told you I love you. I don't take that lightly."

---