Page 97 of Devoured

I glanced over at Ian again. He was staring at us now over his newspaper. Like he knew I was finally about to tell Penny the truth about something. And he wanted to hear all of it. He saw me looking and ducked back down.

I almost laughed. Ian knew the truth, and he hadn’t run away screaming.But I paid him to stay.The only people around me were ones that I paid. I swallowed hard.Here goes nothing.

"We don't have to talk about kids,” she said.

Oh. Is that why she thought I was upset?

“I'm sorry, that was such like a weird thing for me to bring up. We only just started dating. I just..."

"No. It's fine.” I took the out. We’d talk about my problems later. “I've just never thought much about it." Not for years anyway. I never thought I’d actually find someone that I wanted a family with.

"That's okay."

If she wanted to talk about this, I’d talk about this. "Do you want kids?"

"One day. I'd want at least two. I always wished I had a sibling growing up."

"Hmm." I took a deep breath. I could do it, right? Take care of someone if I truly loved them? I’d promised myself to keep Penny safe after all. And if Penny wanted it…I’d give it to her. I wanted to give her everything she’d ever dreamed of. I’d be better than my father. I would be. For Penny’s sake.

And for just a second, I could picture it. Actually, I pictured me, Rob, Mason, and Matt all playing in the Caldwells’ backyard. But my friends weren’t married. And they were barely speaking to me. Our kids weren’t going to grow up together the way we had. "Two sounds good then."

Penny smiled at me. "So is that why you think you'll be a bad father? Just because you don't want kids anytime soon?"

"No, that's not it." I grabbed her hand again. "I just haven't spent much time around children." Zero time really. None of my friends were even married. Not that I’d been hanging out with them anyway. And kids felt permanent. Nothing in my life had felt permanent before. Including me. I glanced at my old office building in the distance, remembering when I wanted to jump out the window.

"I don't want them anytime soon,” Penny said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Good. I want you all to myself for as long as possible."

"So what exactly is cioppino?"

I laughed. "Trust me, you'll like it."

I glanced at Ian again. He’d gone back to texting. Seriously, who was he talking to? “If you’ll excuse me for one moment,” I said. “I need to use the restroom.”

I made my way inside the restaurant and texted Ian: “Who are you texting so much? Does someone know I’m in town?”

“No, you’re good. Jen asked me for a ride and we just got to texting.”

What? Why?Seriously, did Ian have a thing for my sister? “If she needs a ride you can go get her. Penny and I are fine here.”

“Are you sure? She’ll wonder why you’re not visiting while you’re in town.”

The last thing I needed was for Jen to tell my parents that I was dating one of my students. “And that’s why you’ve signed an NDA.”

“No need to remind me, boss. But I can go?”

“Yeah, go.” I wanted to be alone with Penny. For at least a few hours. I wanted to savor every minute of it while we could just be a normal couple.Normal?I sighed.No.What I needed to do was savor every minute before she saw me for who I really was.

Chapter 24

Monday

As we walked out of the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater Penny was still laughing. I just wanted to keep hearing the sound over and over again. No more tears. No more fighting. Just this.

"That's so cool that Amy Poehler used to do improv here,” she said.

I smiled down at her. "So you liked your choice?"

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