Page 56 of Gumdrops and Garland

“He probably didn’t hear me anyway. He was on his way out, but I still feel like I got my day in court. I guess that’s what matters?”

“That is what matters in the end, Gumdrop. You’re so strong and brave. When my mom died, you told me it was okay to feel my feelings when I was with you. I’m going to tell you the same thing. You can feel anything you need to feel when we’re together without explanation. I’m never going to judge you or tell you it’s wrong. I’m here to take care of you the same way you took care of me when Mom died.”

She shook her head almost immediately. “It’s not the same, Lance. I’m not grieving. I’m angry.”

“Which is part of the grieving process, Indie,” I reminded her. “You aren’t grieving for him, I understand that, but that doesn’t mean this isn’t affecting you. It’s okay to sit in those emotions until you’re ready to move on again. Okay?”

She nodded but she stared at my chest rather than make eye contact. I wasn’t going to force her to do anything she didn’t want to do. “Can I tell you something?”

“Anything, Gumdrop.”

“This house and you, I needed both. I never felt like I had a home before I came here. I don’t know if it’s the house or if it’s you, but I don’t want it to end.”

I tilted her chin up and forced eye contact. She meant every word she said, even if she couldn’t put confidence behind them. “It doesn’t have to end, sweetheart. I want you to stay here with me for as long as you’re happy here. I mean it when I say you’re safe and no one is going to hurt you. Trust me?”

She gazed into my eyes when she spoke. “I always have, Lance Garland. I think I’ve loved you since the first grade.”

My thumb hesitated against her temple, and I forced a smile to my lips over the thudding of my heart. She loved me?

“I only remember bits and pieces of my life before the fifth grade. Mostly memories that meant a lot to me or were emotionally charged. Somehow, despite my brain being shaken and not stirred, I always remember you, Indigo Dickson. Even when I couldn’t remember anything else, I could still see your face in my dreams.”

I leaned in and took her lips for a drive down memory lane. She wrapped her arms around my neck and when I ended the kiss, she buried her head against my neck. “I’m tired, Lance.”

“I know, sweetheart. Let’s get you into the shower to warm up and then into your warm bed.”

She shook her head and kept her arms locked behind my neck. “Your bed, Lance. Keep me warm in your bed so I know I’m safe.”

My heart stuttered again in my chest. Could I spend time with her in my bed and be brave enough to let her go when she was strong enough to leave? I didn’t know, but gazing into her eyes, I knew she was all that mattered right now. I’d do anything to make her feel safe and comfortable.

I stood and took her hand, helping her up the stairs one at a time while I quietly whispered to her. “You are safe here with me. You’re going to take a hot shower and warm up, then climb into my bed and nap until you’re feeling stronger, okay?” I asked as I flipped on the light to her bathroom and ushered her in. “I’ll be waiting for you as soon as you’re done, but take your time.”

She grabbed my hand as I turned to go. “Thank you, Lance. For being here even when I couldn’t admit I needed you.”

“You didn’t need to admit it, babe. I could hear your heart crying out for mine and I followed it. There is no place else I would ever be.” With that promise, I brushed a kiss across her knuckles and used all my willpower to leave her.

The sun had set and filled the room with shadows by the time I woke from a nap. It was well after seven and we'd been sleeping for hours. Lance was still in dreamland, so I spent a few minutes studying his facial features from where I perched on his chest. It was easy to see he’d gotten his eyes and mouth from his mom. His nose and the slope of his forehead had to be from his father's side.

Peeking out at me from his left temple was a puckered scar. It ran under the hair over his left ear and spanned the entire side of his head. His hair grew cattywampus there now. If you didn’t know he’d been in an accident, you might just think it was a cowlick. I wanted to kiss the spot as though that would make the damage the snowmobile had done disappear.

I wondered what would have happened between us if he hadn’t been in the accident. Would we have remained friends? Would we have ended up together? There was no way to know, but I’d decided I didn’t need to know. Lance was Lance because of the accident and I liked who he was now.

Some might say I love who he is now. At least that’s what the girls intimated at breakfast this morning. They weren’t wrong. It was easy to fall for Lance as a handsome, hilarious man, but he also made me happy. That was a word I hadn’t used in a long time. At least not before October. I could admit that I felt terrible knowing that losing Michelle, and Lance having to live through the grief, was the catalyst for me to find happiness again. It was a fact I hated to acknowledge but it was true. I’d been adrift for a lot of years and Lance anchored me when I was about to blow away.

My mind wandered to Brenda. She was probably home by now bemoaning her fate after losing the man she’d devoted the last thirty years of her life to. Good riddance, I say. I’m sure she didn’t feel the same. In her eyes, Bruce could do no wrong, but she was blinded from the truth about that man. He was evil in life and I was the one who’d paid the price. In my opinion, she was just as guilty of his transgressions when she continued to allow his behavior. Hell, she probably encouraged it.

I inhaled deeply to remind myself I was free of Bruce, but I had no delusions the same could be said about Brenda. I wouldn’t be free of her until she was six feet under too. She would continue to make my life hell unless I got lucky and she moved away. It was a good possibility she would. She loved the city and the people she hung out with there. Maybe now that she didn’t have the responsibility of Bruce, she’d move on and leave the rest of us in this town alone. I could hope anyway.

“Gumdrop?” a voice asked, and my gaze traveled to his face.

“Hi,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” I snuggled closer and tightened my arms around his chest. I didn’t care if I looked desperate or needy. I loved feeling close to him right now.

“Do you feel better?” he asked, his hand rubbing my arm before he brought the quilt up a little bit higher around me. “You’re chilly.”

“I’m rested and that makes it easier to wrap my mind around everything.”

“Sleep will do that, especially when you run on as little sleep as you do most of the time.”

“This is our busy season, too. I was supposed to be at Evergreen Acres this morning for the first cookie decorating day. Instead, my family drama ruined it.”

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