Page 1 of Inked Heart

Ido not know how the hell I got roped into going to one of these fucking things. Don’t get me wrong, I love to hang out with my friends and shoot the shit. But this, this is something different.

One of my good friends Hammond or Ham as his friends and family call him, just became a dad. To twins nonetheless. He and his wife were not due for at least another six weeks, but I guess with twins it is common to deliver a bit early. And as a way of welcoming them into the world and the family, they are having a party to introduce the babies to those who will be a part of their lives on a regular basis. I am still questioning my invite. However, Ham is one of the most honest and solid men I know. So, if he asks me to be there, then there is where I will be.

If I am being honest, the biggest reason I don’t want to go is because I have always been envious of his family. He has three younger brothers and except for a short period of time where he and his brother Max didn’t speak, from what I can tell they are all close. I can say with complete honesty that his parents are awesome. They are honest, kind, and respectful people, who raised their sons to be the same. Also, they are a little crazy, but it’s a good kind of crazy.

One time around five years ago, Ham had just gotten home from a yearlong training thing and he asks me to meet him at his folks’ house, because his house was still being built. When I get there, no one answers the door. Normally they say to just walk in and that’s exactly what I did. Shit, I wish I hadn’t. I walked into the living room and with no one else there, I sat on the couch.

When I heard a moan, I genuinely thought someone was hurt. Because I was concerned, I went searching for the person who made it and walked into the kitchen to see his mom riding his dad on a stool, I had never run so fast in my whole fucking life. I saw body parts move, I never wanted to see exist on someone the age of my mom. It took me years to get the images out of my head. Even now, I still get the heebie jeebies.

As I pull up to the house, there are cars everywhere and I am dreading this. Taking a second, I sit in the car and fortify myself for baby central. I love kids. don’t get me wrong but growing up in my house I did not get much of a childhood. My folks were great. We were never abused, neglected, or ignored by them. But, my family is old money.

My great grandfather struck it rich with oil and then built an empire from there. The expectations that my father put on myself and my little sister were unrealistic. It did not leave a lot of time to have fun as a kid. Of course, it didn’t help things that my egg donor Sabrina left my father and I when I was two days old. She decided taking care of a child and home was too much work with all her social engagements. She left me with the nanny one day and never came back. She of course sent my father a note demanding alimony with her divorce papers, but after a thorough investigation on his part, he was able to find the ammunition he needed to shut her down.

If it was not for my stepmother, I would never have learned what real and unconditional love felt like. How can a child, whose mother didn’t deem him worthy enough to stay, raise, and teach him how to grow into a man, know how to be those things? Estonia was a godsend to me and my father. I thank God for her every day, because at least when my father was working his life away, there was someone at home who asked about my day and patched me up when I needed it.

Taking a deep breath, I get out of the car and walk in to an already swinging party. As soon as I walk in the door, Ham and his wife greet me with a little bundle in each of their arms.

“El. Thanks so much for coming. I know you don’t care for these things, so I really appreciate you coming. You remember my wife Ava.”

Of course, I remember her. Who the hell can forget Ava? She is a light in the dark, who is always smiling, radiant, and kind. I often think that if I could find someone who brought out the light in me, I would marry her and never let her go. But alas, I am convinced no such Angel exists.

“Of course, I do. Ava, how are you feeling after carrying and delivering such a heavy load?” I ask as I kiss her cheek.

“I feel empty, but extremely happy. Thank you so much for coming. Uh oh. I need to go grab Kennedy before she strangles Jacquie. Can you do me a favor El and hold baby Abby for me?”

She phrases it as a question. But she doesn’t wait for my response, before she is situating my arm just right and placing a tiny little human in it.

“Don’t forget to support her head, like this. Good. Ok I will be right back. Thank you so much.” She says as she’s walking away.

Panic begins to rise in my chest. I have never held a baby this tiny before and I swear, I am going to break her. She is the tiniest and most fragile thing I have ever seen in my life. Staring at her little angelic face, dare I say I can feel my chest constricting with foreign emotions as want and envy. Her little eyes are closed, and her face is all puckered. It is like, even in her sleep she knows she is in charge. I can totally see why dads lose their shit. Even as only an outsider, I know I would do anything to protect this little bundle.

I look at Ham in total shock of my own emotion. He simply looks back at me and then at Abby and says, “I know.”

“El, I know you prefer to have no attachments and such, and I respect your decision. But, Ava and I have talked ad nauseum and have decided we would like to ask you to please be Ezra and Abby’s godfather.”

Holy… What? Wait… Did he just ask me to be spiritually and sometimes physically responsible for miniature people? What in hell is he thinking? And I ask him that.

“What the hell are you thinking?”

“We have thought about it. They have three uncles and that’s cool. But I want them to also have someone outside of this family. Someone that they can turn to when or if they need it. I know we don’t discuss emotions and shit,” he stops and says to baby Ezra. “Don’t tell your mom I said that little man. She might unman me.”

I cannot help the chuckle that leaves my chest. It makes the little fairy I am holding slightly jump and I instantly pull her to my chest to let her know she is still safe. The minute she is snug against me, I marvel at how quick my instincts to protect her kick in.

“See, El. That, right there is why we picked you. So, what do you say?” He says with a mischievous smile on his face, like he knows what my answer will be.

Without hesitation I say, “Yes. I would be honored.” He pats me on the back and walks away, leaving me with this little fairy.

Deciding to move, I walk her around whispering how much fun I am going to be as her Godfather. Continuing, I tell her that she can tell me anything and I will always be there for her. In return, I tell her a few of my deepest held secrets. My own hopes and dreams that I would never have been able to admit even to myself, without holding her in my arms. The biggest secret I have is my hope to find a woman, who I will call ‘Angel’ because that is what she will be to me. My Angel will stop me in my….

” Hey watch out you big…..O…”

Turning to see who the lady is, who is about to tell me where to go and how to get there. I am struck dumb and must remember to breath, when I finally face her. Her. It’s her. My Angel.

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