Page 121 of The Royal Gauntlet

I shake my head, but he just hugs me tighter. One arm loosens and he presses a palm to my stomach. “No,” I insist.

“You need to do this for Pom. Xavier and Kai are having similar conversations with Cat and Helene.”

I scoff at this. “Let me get this straight: you’re just sending the little women away. Getting us out of your hair so the men can risk their lives and leave us to go on without you. No. Essos, absolutely not.” My voice wavers as hot tears spring to my eyes. He hugs me tightly again. I had known the talk about staying safe and out of the fray was coming, but the idea that he would be risking his life is one that I’d managed to avoid until now.

It would ruin me to lose him as much as it ruined him, and I don’t want to go there. I don’t want to think of those things, but he’s planted the seed and it’s grown down into my psyche.

“I’m doing what is right for my wife and my daughter. This is not how our story ends.”

“Why is my life so much more valuable? What makes it okay for you and not for me?” I know the answer before he even says it. It’s like she’s heard my words and aims a kick for my side.

“Pom. You need to raise our daughter.” His voice is full of regret for the future he is imagining. It’s a future that doesn’t have him in it. I push up from my chair, unable to take the devastation on Essos’s face. Words get choked in my throat, because it’s not a future I can even begin to envision without my whole body wanting to shut down.

He pulls me against him, burying his face in my damp hair, breathing deeply. This is the only time we can let this happen. When we leave our rooms there will be no space for emotions or regrets. We need to act decisively today.

Essos holds me for as long as I need, and if I let myself, I’ll indulge in his embrace for the rest of my life. There is nowhere in all the worlds that I would rather be than in his arms, but for today, we have an important mission, one that we need to deal with so that Pom has a world to grow into. Reluctantly, I pull out of Essos’s arms with a kiss to his sternum.

Today is meant to be a peace talk, so I refuse to wear anything akin to battle armor. I don’t doubt that the others in our group will dress differently, but I am trying to appeal to Posey, queen-to-queen, woman-to-woman. That doesn’t mean I won’t have my own protections in place, but lulling her into a false sense of security will work in our favor.

Essos emerges in a grey three-piece suit. He pulls back on the jacket to show me he’s wearing Tink’s belt for me, extended to fit his hips, to keep it innocuous while still accessible to me. He’s carefully placing my new Tink-engineered gloves in his pocket when he looks up at me, a grim smile on his face. It’s a nice change from his days of all black, and it makes my heart flip to see him embracing other colors. The grey complements the lavender dress I’m wearing that, admittedly, fit better in my pre-pregnancy days. All it takes are a few alterations and it fits more comfortably. The off-the-shoulder sleeves show off my collarbone, and my breasts strain aggressively in the bodice. Fine silver vines wrap around my torso, which is layered with tulle. I’m not totally naive and have a pair of leggings under my dress so if I have to tear it to fight, I can.

“Would you like a tiara?” Essos offers as I slip my feet into flats.

“How is that even a question? It’s like you don’t know me at all,” I tease, waiting to see which one he will call forth. I’m surprised by the one that appears in his hand. It’s not one I’ve ever seen before. The silver metal work matches my dress, but it’s the crystal moonflowers that he’s woven into it that have me clutching my chest.

I have to clench my teeth to stop my sob because this is everything that my husband is, thoughtful and a planner, and the thought that put down roots pushes against my mind that this could be the last thing he ever gifts me, and our daughter won’t know what it is to be doted on by her father. I have to dig my nails into my palms to stop the sob in its tracks.

“I had it made for you when we found out about your mother. I thought this would be a nice way to honor her.”

His consideration, both in having the crown made and how I might feel about it today, makes my heart melt. At the very center of it is a crescent moon with a flower resting in the curve. I don’t give myself time to reconsider. I just slide it onto my head, rearranging my curls around it.

I hold my hand out to Essos and he takes it gladly. Both of us begrudgingly start our way to the door but I stop him.

“Essos, I love you. I love you with my whole heart. I’ve loved you across lifespans that most would only ever dream of. For me, there is only you. There will only ever be you.” I cup his face and pull him down toward me. He only has to slouch for a moment before his arm comes around my back and he lifts me to the tips of my toes. I want to run my hands through his perfectly gelled hair, but that will only delay the inevitable.

I open my mouth to him, and he presses his advantage, his tongue brushing against mine. I clutch him like the life raft he is. We part, breathless and flushed.

“That is not going to be our last kiss, Daphne. Don’t you dare think like that.”

I know I should be embarrassed by how well he reads me, but I can’t find it in me to be mad.

“Let’s get this over with. We have a nursery to decorate.” He can’t leave me if we still have so much more to do.

* * *

Helene isthe first one we encounter on our way to the throne room. My desire to be done with that space seems impossible, but I hope this is our last dealing with it for the foreseeable future. I questioned the decision to have Posey meet us there, but I was outvoted. It’s a display of power and we need the upper hand where we can get it.

Everyone is lingering in the entryway of our home, waiting for me and Essos to descend. It only makes my stomach cramp like all this is on our shoulders to fix.

“I have to apologize for Kai’s absence,” Helene says. “He thought it was a good idea to tell me that if things start to look bad, I should turn tail and run. I’ve left him to sit in the corner to think about what he’s done,” She hisses, clearly still fuming from the same talk I got. “Here. Complements of my husband.” She places a small pouch in both of our hands. I crack mine open and see a fine red powder inside.

I’m optimistic, and maybe it’s going to be my fatal flaw, but I want to resolve this without violence. I’m sure Posey will be angling for it, but I just want everyone to come out of this whole and unscathed. What happened to Finn was horrible enough. I won’t see another member of my family harmed.

“What’s this?” Essos asks about to sniff the powder, but Helene and I both react to stop him. She pulls it from his hand and I cover his mouth.

“It’s red algae refined into a powder,” Helene explains. “Everyone is getting some to use against Posey, in case we have an opportunity to bind her powers. We tried adding some to the blade after you left, but I’m not sure if it will work that way to steal her powers, so this is a backup. Nice dress.” Helene’s tone implies that she does not, in fact, think that my dress is nice.

“Thanks! It has pockets,” I tell her with a grin, shoving my hands into a pocket. It’s just big enough to hold the small pouch. Essos closes his hand and slips his into his jacket. My other pocket has the pouch of seeds Essos and I have been curating.

---