I glanced at the forest and the mountains around us. Out there I was alone.
My gaze shot to the community behind us. In there I was alone.
I will always be alone.
My thoughts wreaked havoc on my emotions. My heart ached with sadness. The mental image of the fields, animals, pristine white houses, warm baths and soft beds floated away like smoke in the wind.
I didn’t want to leave.
I have to leave.
I felt the tears threatening to fall. How could I mourn the loss of something that was never mine to begin with?
Walking through that gate meant leaving the last two days behind. It meant ignoring the hold that Roman had on my soul. It meant running from one uncertainty into another. But staying here meant accepting what I’d seen.
What exactly did you see, Eve? What is it that you have to accept?
And there it was, a sprinkle of doubt. A dash of hope that maybe I’d overreacted. That was the anchor that held me in place.
Depending on where the blood came from, there was no imminent danger in what I’d seen. It was just weird as fuck.Or maybe it wasn’t.Maybe it was normal. From the stories I’d been told, I expected much worse.
Did it get worse?
I had questions. I wanted answers. I needed the truth. Within those walls was a vault of secrets, and the man standing in front of me held the key.
The tall grass of the garlic field swished around our legs with the midnight breeze. Tree branches swayed in the distance. Water rippled over the rocks in the stream.
The light from the guard’s open door disappeared as it clicked closed.
We were alone.
My heart lodged in my throat. My stomach did somersaults. “What was that?”
Roman narrowed his eyes. “Leave, Eve.”
I moved closer to where he stood. “What was it? What did I just see? Was it blood?”Tell me there’s nothing to be afraid of. Tell me the stories aren’t true.
“I told you we all have a purpose. The ceremony is a celebration of that purpose.”
“Blowjobs and kinky fuckery in the middle of a bloodbath?That’syour purpose?”
“Procreation. Reproduction of the anointed in order to outnumber the infected. Survival is our purpose.”
Yeah, you mentioned that already.
“And you need blood for that? You need an audience for that?” I took another step toward him. The dirt was soft and forgiving under my bare feet.
“Yes, and yes.” He let out a sigh. “Atonement requires a pure sacrifice. That’s why we use a lamb.”Not human blood.“It’s why God used His own Lamb thousands of years ago. The animal blood defiles the demons but it makes us clean. Their poison is our salvation.” His voice dropped lower. He licked his bottom lip, leaving a glistening trail over the plumpness. “What you saw was an expression of faith among witnesses. Sex isn’t shameful, Eve. It’s a gift.Peopleput boundaries on sex. The world painted it black and white. Right or wrong.Goddesigned it to be holy. Why do you think an orgasm is the most intense form of pleasure the human body is capable of feeling? Better than taste or sight or sound.”
All the times he’d fought the urge to touch me, I’d just thought he had some superhuman willpower. Assumed he wielded some kind of control over his sexuality. That the struggle with his body’s reaction had something to do with negative views on sex. But now he spoke about it so reverently. He called itholy.
“So, you don’t despise sex. You just despise sex withme.” My words weighed heavily against my beating heart.
“I don’t participate in the ceremonies.”
Not the response I was looking for.
“And outside of the ceremonies?”