Page 13 of All I Wank for Christmas

“Yeah, I guess I mentioned that but didn’t really explain, huh? Yes. It’s the suit that does most of the Christmas sparkle. The sleigh is magic, but I can’t take the sleigh power with me into the house. At the end of the day, I’m only human. I can get in and out of houses with the suit. It also helps me manipulate time.”

“You can manipulate time?”

“Only in the suit. I can move super-fast if I want and slow things down around me at the same time. How do you think I deliver so many toys in one night?”

“That was the one thing that made me rethink Santa when I was young. I couldn’t work that out or imagine it.”

“It’s usually the finisher when kids sit down and think about it. However, you’d be surprised at how few kids both write to us and are on the nice list. It’s a requirement that they write to us if they want a gift. Again, I can’t see wants or preferences. I’m not a mind reader. The kids that aren’t on the nice list or don’t write to us still get presents from their parents. Most kids don’t even notice they’re not on Santa’s list. The vast majority of children don’t believe by the time they’re ten anyway. They stop writing. Some cultures don’t recognize Santa at all. It’s not millions of children.”

“So, you don’t have to deliver billions of toys tonight?”

“I’m delivering 156,341 gifts this year. I just get in the house, drop the gifts, leave a bite mark on a cookie, take a swig of milk, and get the fuck out. I may take a carrot for a reindeer if the family leaves them out. I give them to thegood reindeer.” I enunciate the last words and glare at Prancer.

This is insane. I’m spilling all the family secrets to this woman. I’ve never told anyone this. Granted, I’ve never really had to tell anyone before. All my friends were elves growing up, so no explanation was necessary. I never dated someone around Christmas or even dated seriously enough to tell them what I did for a living. Most women I’ve known think I’m a freelance graphic designer.

I have no idea why that was the first thing that popped into my head when I had to think of a profession on the spot, but it’s believable, unlike being Santa’s heir.

The hot pot squeals, and Holly reaches for it. She pours a cup of hot water for herself, sets her cup on the shelf, and pours one for me. “Marshmallows?” she asks.

“Always.”

She pours the cocoa packet into the water and spoons several mini marshmallows on the top. Handing it to me, she flashes a smile. I take it from her and blow on the mug.

“Feel better?” I ask.

“A little. Maybe this would be a good time to explain what you need my help with.”

I jerk my thumb to the backseat. “Are you sure you’re ready for me to explain that hot mess?”

“I guess it’s as good a time as any.”

Chapter 5

Holly

Ican’trememberthelast time I wanted to throw up like this but didn’t actually do it. It’s the same feeling as being so drunk that the room spins. You know you’ll feel better if you throw up. You may even go to the toilet and hover over it, hoping that you can just get it over with. Nothing comes out of me. It’s just a miserable feeling at the top of my stomach.

I look over the edge again as the sleigh rocks a little, spilling the hot cocoa. Should I hold on to Jasper? Is that too forward? Then again, I’ve already seen his dick. Clutching his arm wouldn’t be so intimate.

Gently, I loop my arm through his. I don’t pull or use a firm touch. I don’t want to throw off his driving or startle him while he’s driving the reindeer. But it’s nice when he smiles and looks at me for a split second.

Why do I feel like he’s the only guy that’s really seen me? He can see my actions – and I’m still not sure how he does that – but I feel like heseesme. He looks at me like we’re old friends and like I’m the only woman in the world.

“There’s a navigation system I use, and it’s working fine,” he says, blowing on his mug of cocoa.

I take the cocoa from him so he has his hands free, and I blow on it for him. His face reddens when I hand it back to him. Maybe he thought of me blowing on something else.

“What do you need me for?”

“I can’t do it all myself and get it done tonight, even with my ability to manipulate time. I can navigate and drive, but the stock is fucked up beyond anything I’ve ever seen. The elves have organized it to my dad’s preferences, but it doesn’t make any sense to me. It’s not by geographic region and alphabetical. I have stuff that goes to Canada next to Romania. It’s nuts. I went on a few runs with my dad as a kid, but he never really explained the stock. I need someone to organize and find things for me. Back there.” He jerks his head to the back of the sleigh.

I slowly turn and squint. “Are you telling me that every toy is back in that little sleigh? You don’t deliver and then go back for more?”

“No time for that.”

“Oh, Lord.” I put my cocoa down and turn in my seat. Maybe I can focus on stock so it takes my mind off falling out of a flying sleigh and dying a horrific death. “I’ll pop back there and take a look.”

“Thanks, Holly. You can use the ladder.”

---