Page 52 of 23 Hours

Sparing Bonez a glance over my shoulder, dyin’ to punch a hole through the nearest wall or his face, I grit a menacing, “Who told you?”

His graying eyebrows hike skyward. “First or last person?”

Red flashes behind my eyelids, my hold on the rail turning my knuckles white. “Christ. There’s more than one?”

A nod. “Bink first. Then Big when he knew you were goin’ on the run.”

BinkandBig. Figures.

“It’s not their fuckin’ place,” I seethe, not caring they’re also family.

My asshole brother expels an exasperated breath. “Maybe not Bink’s, but it is Big’s. We both know that. He doesn’t want your head in the clouds or you bottlin’ crap up when we’re doin’ what we gotta do here.”

True. Big doesn’t butt in unless it could interfere with the safety of us all. I still don’t gotta like it.

“Fine,” I concede as I watch a bat fly overhead. “But there ain’t shit else to explain.”

“Except there is. You got a kid, brother… and his mom. You’ve never had a kid like this…”

Never had a real kid to begin with. Sure, I helped raise Bink. That’s different. Janie and Dom haven’t been around long enough to be mine. I care for them. Love ‘em. That’s different, too.

“Don’t worry. He’s grown now. Can’t fuck him up like us.” Can you imagine what that would’ve looked like? What kinda father I would’ve been?

Bonez nudges the side of my boot with his own. “What the hell? I wasn’t thinkin’ that.You’reworried about that?”

Terrified.

Not wanting to scratch the surface of my deepest fears, I shrug and massage the base of my neck. “No… I mean… Fuck… His mom…”

“You like her.” The asshole reads between the lines far too well.

“Sure. We’ll go with that.” I’m addicted. A full-on addict. It doesn’t make sense to me. Not even a little. Doesn’t make it any less true, though. I can’t get the witch outta my head. Not for a single minute. She lingers there, under my skin, in my thoughts. Talkin’ about her makes it worse.

“You never liked anyone like this woman.” A statement, not a question.

Lost in thoughts of her, I bob my head like a moron. “Truth.”

My brother’s tone grows soft. “Then what’s the issue?”

“You know…” I trail off, ’cause Bonez gets it. He always does.

“The childhood stuff? The kinks? What?”

All the above.

“We ain’t right, ya know? ’Cause of that shit.” You know what I’m talkin’ about too. Not the prettiest picture, huh? Didn’t think so.

“Your point?”

“I can’t like her.”

“’Cause of the—”

“Sex, childhood, all of it. I can’t like anyone like that. She deserves better.”

“Better than what?” Bonez counters.

Aggravated to the point of violence, I throw both hands in the air and face him. “This! Me! Better than me!” I slap the center of my chest. Doesn’t he fuckin’ get it? It’s not rocket science. One plus one equals two. I’m the problem in this equation. Kit deserves heaven, not hell. Love, not motherfuckin’ immorality.

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